The world is awash with New Year’s Resolutions, detoxes, diets and promises to be better.
This is the first year I am joining that merry clan.
For the past 6 years I have been a virtuous, exercising, abstemious kinda gal. Somewhere in the chaos of 2012, that went awry. Having been on the brink of an eating disorder in 2011 (that’s another story, and a long one), I mistook the freedom from the grips of being obsessed with food and le skinny as a license to let my hair down, big style.
It started with the loneliness and freedom of having my boyfriend away for 6 months and for the first time in my life, I felt like I had no-one to appear perfect to. I started finding a new friend that let out my naughty side:
It started with a cheeky few glasses after work, and has reached the level where last night, I had a bottle and a half of wine without anyone noticing. This is problematic.
a) I was hiding that I was drinking
b) I WASN’T EVEN DRUNK?!?!
c) That’s a whole 15 units right there, in one sitting. I’ve finished off the rest of the bottle and started on another as I type.
This was supposed to be a fitness blog, as I’m a 5 times a week girl, starting training for my first triathlon this year. But before I can get anywhere near blogging normally about my fitness goals, I need to seriously address this drinking. When I ran the London Marathon 2 years ago, I was 2 stone lighter than I am now. I started the year lean, fit and looking great. Now, I have a bloated stomach, red face and chronic lack of sleep. I am really successful in my career, well liked by (almost) all I meet, good social life, so there is no reason to be ruining myself like this.
Sometimes I tell people I used to have an eating disorder, more or less without shame. It has a vulnerability to it, and let’s face it, a certain trendiness if you’re a reader of the weekly mags. But would I ever tell anyone I’ve developed a bit of a problem with alcohol? Never. I flinch even thinking about the term “functioning alcoholic”. I’m not there yet, but I will damn well be there if I don’t sort this out soon.
So this blog will be the place I go to help me stay on the wagon, to find help in others and to hopefully demonstrate kicking the habit can be done.
Thousands of people in the UK will be signing up for a Dry January, and I did, but I broke it 48 hours in. It’s significant that campaign is run by alcohol concern, because it was the thing that really piqued my concern. Bloody hell, I couldn’t manage 72 hours, nevermind a month.
This has to change.
My goals are this:
1) To go completely Dry until 30th Feb.
2) To come to this blog regularly to document how my body is changing having given up the drink. I reckon I’m carrying around a stone in booze weight.
3) To complete my first triathlon in the peak of my fitness, not hungover, knackered and heavy.
Here’s to the toughest challenge I have taken in a long time. Tomorrow’s mountain to climb will be posting my bodys measurement and a picture of my stomach. The thought is making me sick, or maybe that’s the wine….