Say it out Loud

19 Nov

Yesterday, I had a little mid afternoon wobble where I wanted to drink. It wasn’t particularly related to any stress or emotional upheaval, I just fancied a night in with a bottle of wine.

I immediately reached out to the brilliant Carrie who I’ve been in touch with a lot these past few weeks and has been an angel, and doing so was enough to crush the desire to run to the shop and buy wine.

Sometimes, articulating an unhelpful thought is as useful to me as acting on it. Sometimes I just want to remind myself that a thought isn’t an action, so rather than doing, saying can help.

Today I’m just ok. I had a great 8 hours sleep, a brilliant run but now it’s late afternoon and I feel a little flat, a little tired and in need of a treat tonight.

I think I’m going to plan a solo cinema trip (which I just love doing) and another early night.

I already miss the ups and downs of drinking to an extent (I love a bit of drama, and I suspect that a lot of drinkers do) but being stable makes me happier. So tonight I choose boring, flat and incredibly satisfying contentment. 

8 Responses to “Say it out Loud”

  1. jenisthesoberist November 19, 2013 at 7:12 pm #

    I understand about the drama and the flatness…I feel that way, too sometimes. I agree, though, that overall life is better and it is easier to be happier when sober. It’s great that you reached out instead of acting on your urge. Yay! 🙂

  2. momma bee November 19, 2013 at 7:16 pm #

    Funny~ I never thought about the drama part. I think you maybe onto something. I’ve been told in the past, your always on the go and out, can’t you just stay in? Funny, now I love staying in and that is ok.

    Glad you were able to reach out to Carrie and it helped. It was just a thought~ not an action 🙂

    • FitFatFood November 19, 2013 at 10:16 pm #

      It’s true! I never stop either. Booze used to be the only way I slowed down…

  3. Lilly November 19, 2013 at 10:13 pm #

    I totally agree about the drama and, looking back, I think alcohol also fueled a lot of drama in my life. I think about some of my angst and upheaval (over men who weren’t worth it in the main) and booze was such a big part. And while we aren’t actually boring, even when we feel like it (actually, quitting drinking makes us brave and strong and interesting and different in a good way), it is totally worth trading a bit of drama ‘excitement’ for happiness, contentment, stability, productivity, self esteem, good healthy etc etc etc.

    You are doing so well. Just keep going! I think you are turning a corner here!

    Lilly x

    • FitFatFood November 19, 2013 at 10:15 pm #

      Thank you Lily, I hope I am.

      I always have a bit of drama in my life, so I need to learn to just be me. Just focusing on each hurdle as it comes- tomorrow will be 10 days, feels like such a short time but `i’ve learnt so much.

  4. carrythemessage November 20, 2013 at 2:09 am #

    It’s true that we enjoy(ed) drama. Hell, I created almost all of it in my life, while blaming everyone else for it. If it’s on my plate, I must have ordered it, as they say. So while many in (early) recovery talk about the “boring” part of it (lol), it’s just the lack of drama that we are unsure what to do with. Quiet. Who knew it could be disturbing? ha ha. For me, it was unnerving because I was always used to putting out fires, or lying to cover up lies, or having something going on and when it was all good…it was creepy. Also, it made me look at myself in a different way…and I wasn’t used to that. The drama helped cover up me looking at me…and that was way scarier!

    Stay where you’re at…it’s a lot more satisfying, indeed 🙂

    Love and light,

  5. carrieonsober November 20, 2013 at 7:44 am #

    It’s a huge step to ask for help instead of thinking we have all the answers or isolating. Time to start beleiving that you deserve more than drama. You are destined for much better feelings than that, I promise. I thought I loved the chaos, truth was, it was distracting from the real pain and shame that I constantly covered up. I faced those feelings and can feel far better ones now too. Booze and chaos chase all the feelings away.
    And it’s only boring if you let it and sometimes thats ok…

    • FitFatFood November 20, 2013 at 12:16 pm #

      So much wisdom in this Carrie, thank you.

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