Drink Repent Repeat

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Don’t worry, I didn’t drink.

I’m on day 10 and reflecting on what causes the cycle of drinking so many of us get caught up in.

Yesterday I emailed Belle with a reflection on what was causing my ‘cravings’: “I’m learning that sometimes (often) what I think is a craving is just being tired/hungry/thirsty cold so I’m doing other things to give me a lift.”

For many of us the thing we identify as a ‘craving’ is just a physical or emotional need. On Monday, when I had my wobble and wanted to grab a bottle of Pinot Grigio, I indentified that I was thirsty. When I’m thirsty I want the refreshing coldness of white wine, when I need emotional comfort it’s the indulgent juiciness of red wine that calls me.

When we’re in the cycle of drinking, we learn to respond to these physical and emotional cravings by reaching for a glass. When I’m in the cycle of drinking, I get drunk, hate myself, feel physically and emotionally drained and so the only thing I can do is drink. My ‘cycles’ of drinking last anywhere between 3 and 5 days until I have 2-3 days of feeling rubbish sober and decide it’s a good idea to drink again.

As someone who’s stopped and started the 100 day challenge several times, I’ve been learning how to break this cycle, to recognise different emotions that are triggering me to want to drink and deal with them by addressing my physical or emotional need. Chocolate? Brilliant. Hugs? I’ll go seek one out. Running? The perfect tonic. But no wine, not for now. Not today.