21 Nov

After yesterday’s wobble in the afternoon and overcoming it again, I wanted to reflect on why it’s is important to me that I don’t slip up, a list to read over when the wolf is at the door:

  • Drinking makes me lonely
  • Drinking makes me gain weight
  • Drinking makes me eat crap
  • Drinking disrupts my sleep
  • Drinking gives me pleasure for about 30-45 mins and then I get sucked into the void
  • Drinking makes me have less fun on a night out
  • Drinking makes me sneak extra drinks in because my friends or colleagues aren’t drinking enough
  • Drinking takes up huge amounts of my headspace. I’ve been actively trying to quit for about a year, and have never succeeded. All that wasted time for giving into an early evening craving isn’t worth it.
  • Drinking affects my health- during my last round of drinking I actually felt my liver ache. God knows what its done to my insides.
  • Drinking makes me more selfish and introverted- I want time alone to drink/recover from hangovers so I shut myself away and the loneliness cycle starts again
  • Drinking affects my running
  • Drinking squashes my ambition- the past year has been dulled by drinking and as a natural achiever, I’ve let the driven side of my personality slide.
  • Drinking makes me secretive.
  • Drinking makes me feel like I’m leading two lives.
  • Drinking tricks me into thinking I don’t have a problem, when I clearly do, otherwise the above list wouldn’t exist.

That’s a pretty significant list eh?

These first few weeks need to be focusing on the one day at a time approach. I’m finding that forgetting the bigger picture is helping, as I still find it difficult to imagine long term what it will be like to be sober. So for now, all my energy is going into beating wolfie in that 4-8pm witching hour window and enjoying my glorious mornings where I wake up happy I’ve had another night sober.

7 Responses to “Drinking”

  1. Momma Bee November 21, 2013 at 10:45 am #

    I really like how you are working on your sobriety in your blogs. I think you are doing great. Yes that list is scary eh? My list is the same too… Except not sure I ever felt my liver hurt. I probably couldn’t tell b/c my whole body always hurt. Sober mornings are glorious~ loving it!

    • FitFatFood November 21, 2013 at 12:06 pm #

      Writing is helping me huge amounts. It helps me get things down in black and white, rather than falling victim to the “I wasn’t that bad really was I?” voice.

      It’s hard, but it’s worth it so far. And as they say, it can only get easier… I’m only on day 11 but it feels like a million years! :/

  2. AuntieLex November 21, 2013 at 3:30 pm #

    this list looks a lot like mine… one day at a time.. like this!

    • FitFatFood November 21, 2013 at 3:55 pm #

      It’s easier that way. Hope you’re getting back on track- well done to you for getting straight back on it.

  3. momma bee November 21, 2013 at 4:12 pm #

    I think writing it down helps all of us….. I look back to things I wrote in my blog last year and think….. I wrote that? Wow I felt that why and I still continued to drink? Hopefully this time next year we will all look back and see how far we all have come!

    We can do this ladies, one day at a time, literally. Some days, one hour at a time!

    Momma B.

  4. King Arabia November 23, 2013 at 3:47 pm #

    Great list there.. thank you

    • FitFatFood November 23, 2013 at 6:53 pm #

      It’s become so important to me to remember why I want to stop- today has been one of those days when, sitting in a pub with friends, I wondered why on earth I wasn’t drinking, and that a glass or two of wine would be fine. It would make sense, in fact.

      WRONG. I actually left the pub table and re-read this post to help remind me why I’m on this journey.

      I hope you have a list that helps you too 🙂

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