99 Problems

25 Nov

It’s interesting as I enter week 3 of sobriety that I’m reminded that stopping drinking alcohol isn’t a magic solution to all my problems. WHAT A SHOCKER. When you drink, it’s not just the immediate numbing effects of alcohol that lessen your awareness of other problems in your life, it’s the making it through the day at work with a hangover, the focus on giving up drinking in the near future, the time worrying about how much you drink….

 

Now I’m not drinking and am thinking a little less about it, or at least it’s taking less energy to stay sober, the things I blocked out when drinking are starting to come to the surface. I felt, for around a year, almost completely numb to emotions, both good and bad, and I’m starting to get in touch with those funny things called ‘feelings’ again.

 

But stopping drinking also helps you look at your life as a whole and realise what has been going on but has been hidden under the cloak of drinking.

 

One of the main things I’ve become aware of is how unfulfilled I am in my job. I work in a very creative industry with some fantastic people, but my day to day in my current role is mind-numblingly slow. One of the reasons I crawl towards the end of the day and (used to) look forward to a drink is the distraction from that, the relief of the boredom. In the past if I found myself in a job situation like this, I’d be incredibly proactive and change it. But drinking had numbed my ability to care, my proactive nature and my ambition. I kidded myself I was being proactive and achieving things by training for a marathon and a triathlon this year, which are both great achievements, but I need more in my lift than that. With no partner or kids to focus on, I need to be striving to get more out of life than I currently am.

 

I’m going to use my new found energy to focus on changing my job situation between now and Christmas. I have potential opportunities within my grasp, which I can now try and make concrete.

 

Wow. I feel like a little baby chick hatching into this world which is bright and exciting and scary. I can’t believe I blocked it out for the last few years. I like this bright, colourful and slightly painful world. At least I feel things now.

 

Happy Monday all!

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7 Responses to “99 Problems”

  1. happierlikethis November 25, 2013 at 1:16 pm #

    Good luck with the hatching, little sober chick!

  2. soberjournalist November 25, 2013 at 8:32 pm #

    Great to hear you sounding so positive and on it. I discovered exactly the same thing. Without the distraction of booze it became obvious I’m not at all happy in my job. How had I not noticed before? I’m wondering about doing something totally different, but what exactly I don’t know! Good luck with the job search.

    • FitFatFood November 26, 2013 at 9:45 am #

      It’s working this time you know! All that tripping up was for a reason.

      Luckily it’s not too much of a disruption looking to change my role- it will be taking on a new job in the same company, so I won’t be completely uprooted which is great.

      Hope your musings on what to do goes well!

  3. Lilly November 26, 2013 at 1:58 am #

    Well done you! You are doing so well! Three weeks is a turning point i’ve found in starting to feel better and find it easier not to drink so keep going!

    I have found exactly the same thing re realising, fuck, this isn’t some perfect fix for all my life issues. God damn! At times that made me feel cheated but what I’ve learned going further along is that, no, it doesn’t remove all life’s problems and you will still have shitty, flat days sober BUT being sober makes it so much easier to make steady improvements in your life which do make life better and better. And, it’s true what they say – that even the worst day sober is sooooo much nicer than the worst days miserably hungover.

    You are doing so well!!!

    Lilly x

    • FitFatFood November 26, 2013 at 9:43 am #

      Thanks Lily.

      It’s feeling so much easier and making more sense to be sober every day. Went out to a meal last night where everyone’s wine glasses were being topped up and I had no desire to drink.

      And yes, the perfect fix thing is a myth, but my god it makes it easier to take control of the things you’re unhappy about.

      Definitely pink clouding it today 🙂

      • Lilly November 27, 2013 at 1:04 am #

        Nothing wrong with pink clouds! Embrace the clouds! Float on the clouds! I’m not sure why some people talk about them like they’re a problem – maybe fear of crashing? – because I think they’re what get you through the slumps. Lovely, lovely fluffy pink clouds. And, yes, the more you go not drinking – sometimes the whole thing just starts to seem a bit odd. Like, why?

        Rosy pink fluffy candy cotton vermillion-hued loveliness – long may they float around you.

        xx

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