Another Day, Another wobble

3 Dec

It’s nearly 5pm, and guess what I’m thinking about doing. 

I’m on Day 23 and would hope it should be getting easier by now. 

There’s no particular reason I want to drink today, I just do. I’m a bit bored of being in my own head. 

Why is this so hard? What on earth is wrong with me?

I’m going to lace up my running shoes, pound the streets and let the cold, refreshing air wash over me. I’m going to put some tonic water and lime in the fridge for when I get back and run a bath. This feels ok, but not as good as having a drink. I just want a break from the effort that goes into staying sober. 

I won’t crack tonight but I really really want to. Humph. 

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20 Responses to “Another Day, Another wobble”

  1. sobermalarky December 3, 2013 at 5:18 pm #

    It gets easier, I promise it really won’t always feel like this. I have reached a place now where the thought of being inebriated is horrible. Why would I want to be disorientated, unclear, not myself? I know that probably sounds crazy, but you can get here too. All it takes is time plus not picking up the first drink. Really, you can be free. Not just of the bad effects but free of the actual desire to drink! It is an amazing feeling and I want you to have it! You can do this!!

    • FitFatFood December 3, 2013 at 5:19 pm #

      Thank you!

      How long have you been booze free? Was there a moment things changed? I’m definitely on the rollercoaster right now…

      • sobermalarky December 3, 2013 at 5:24 pm #

        16 months and I think it’s just happened since I got past the year (don’t let that put you off! I was drinking to blackout regularly for 25 years) but yeah it’s effing AMAZING. I never thought it would happen for me, I just thought well, I will always crave it but just have to be strong. But the cravings didn’t only go away, I have actually developed some kind of aversion to the idea of being chemically changed. I’m even wondering about my ridiculous caffeine habit now.

      • FitFatFood December 3, 2013 at 5:25 pm #

        Wowowowow, that’s amazing!

        You shall be my inspiration to push through today 🙂

      • sobermalarky December 3, 2013 at 5:25 pm #

        Please please do! Don’t go back! It’s RUBBISH!

  2. primrosep December 3, 2013 at 5:44 pm #

    I hope you are running right now or at least lacing up your shoes while still obsessively checking the internet (or is that just me?). I do frequently read that having a tough patch often precedes a much easier happier time – hang in there, hopefully good times are just around the corner!

    • FitFatFood December 3, 2013 at 7:17 pm #

      Back from the run, feeling better.

      I hope my happy time is just round the corner 🙂

  3. Lisa Neumann December 3, 2013 at 6:02 pm #

    Silly you … you don’t want to drink. You want to feel different. People that want to drink don’t post about it on the blog and have these brilliant solutions. They just go get the booze (hide it or not) and come tell us all later how it didn’t work. You are so in the thick of recovery. It’s awesome. You’re awesome. This is IT. You are doing IT. We all wanted a drink (so we thought) at day 23. We didn’t. We just didn’t. And it looks like you aren’t either. You have too much going for you. Stay strong. You’ve inspired me to stay strong in my day (with my current challenges) as well. Lots of love.

    • FitFatFood December 3, 2013 at 7:19 pm #

      Thank you thank you thank you Lisa.

      Back from my run, it’s eased the urge. And I do feel different, so I achieved what I wanted, just in a different way.

      I’ve still got a long way to go and alot of work to do but I think (hope) I’m learning.

      • Lisa Neumann December 4, 2013 at 3:49 pm #

        Doesn’t a run just take care of everything? I love it. Oh and saw today’s post too. You are so loved. Way to go. Three cheers!

      • FitFatFood December 4, 2013 at 3:58 pm #

        Doesn’t it just!

        This community is amazing- we all have the same struggles, just at different moments, so we can all keep each other propped up.

        Today I “want a drink” except thanks to what you wrote, I realise that it’s just that I’m unsatisfied at work, with a touch of the winter blues and a need for some love in my life. I need a good cuddle today, so will seek out a friend who can provide that! I don’t want a drink I just want that empty space filling somehow…

      • Lisa Neumann December 4, 2013 at 4:01 pm #

        You are wise my good friend. Very wise. Incredible that you have made that shift so early in your journey. It will serve you. As it does me. Blessings

  4. carrieonsober December 3, 2013 at 8:13 pm #

    You are learning anf he’s panicking big time!! That’s why you’ve had a couple of big close together cravings. Rinse, lather, repeat…what you’ve done works. He’ll pipe down and give you a break now, I promise.
    X

  5. happierlikethis December 3, 2013 at 9:29 pm #

    Look how strong you are. I love how you out-sprinted Wolfie. X

    • FitFatFood December 3, 2013 at 9:44 pm #

      Those running shoes eh? Worth every penny 😉

  6. Lilly December 4, 2013 at 2:24 am #

    You are doing great and you need to just KEEP GOING. If you were to drink right now you would actually only end up upset and angry with yourself and then bargaining about how now you’ve drank maybe you should just drink through the silly season and all that heavy boozing and onwards through to a miserable hungover Jan 1st… fast forwarding through the drink as they say. What would the end result really be here?

    You know, even at (almost) 7 months I actually feel a bit of what Sober Malarky is talking about and I also once would have never thought that possible. Doesn’t mean I never crave a drink but I have got to the point where in many ways the idea of drinking is more unappealing than it is appealing. I think this happens in stages. It can and will happen for you too but you have to dig your heels in sometimes during the earlier stages.

    You know, when I was stuck in my 18 months of on-off cycle (in which I was really unhappy) I kept caving in around 3 weeks. I think that what happens is that you start to feel better from not drinking, so you forget why you weren’t drinking, but you haven’t gone long enough to really be in the swing of being sober and feel all those benefits and the cravings are still there.

    Not once did I ever drink again after a break and think “Wow, I’m so glad I drank. That just made me feel so good and so happy.” Not. Once.

    Keep going hon, you can do it. You may be having a bit of come-down from the party too. I have also found this – that sometimes after a big sober triumph like that a few days later I feel all flat and like drinking. Sometimes I caved at that point and, well, see above.

    xx

    • FitFatFood December 4, 2013 at 10:50 am #

      Lily this just makes SO MUCH SENSE.

      I have forgotten why I stopped drinking, I feel great! But last time I broke a sober streak I felt so terrible I couldn’t believe I’d thrown it all away.

      I am on a comedown, and feeling the winter blues too, but I’ll just keep going.

      Today I’m not going to drink.

    • sobermalarky December 4, 2013 at 2:08 pm #

      Brilliant post. I too went through stopping and starting cycles and it really is one step forward TWO steps back. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, stay in the day, you are moving onwards and upwards!

  7. AuntieLex December 4, 2013 at 4:43 am #

    It is so what keeps happening with me.. 3 weeks, I get lost and forget, and tired and board and sad… Don’t cave.. Im digging myself out of a pretty maj slip up and still suffering.. You go and ill follow!
    Xo

    • FitFatFood December 4, 2013 at 10:52 am #

      Thank you- 3 weeks is killer eh?

      It gives you just enough confidence that you can slip back into sobriety easily that you think “Well, I’ll just have one night of drinking and get back to being sober, easy right?” WRONG.

      You have slipped but you’ve learnt, and we’re all willing you on. Come join us on the sober bus again 🙂

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