Reaching Out

30 Dec

The last 48 hours has involved a lot of reaching out. 

I told my parents and key friends how much I’ve been struggling with depression, which is one of the key causes of my drinking, and should have told them years ago. They all reacted perfectly, with understanding and support. 

The fact I no longer have to keep up a brave face will help me a lot. I can be honest about when I need help rather than internalising it all, sending myself crazy and ultimately reaching for a drink. 

I also registered with a GP (I haven’t been registered since I moved flat earlier this year) and am booking an appointment asap where I’ll be honest about my drinking and my concerns about my liver. I need to move into 2014 giving myself the best possible chance of succeeding at being sober, with the aim of being happy. Happiness will never come without sobriety for me, it just won’t. I know that is an incontestable truth.

I hate drinking so much. SO much. And yet on the way home from the doctor’s I had to will myself to put down a bottle of wine I picked up in the supermarket when buying toilet paper. MADNESS. 

In the morning I’m going somewhere beautiful for 5 days with my lovely friends where I will run, read, relax and see it as my restorative rehab break. I was very specific with my friends about under no circumstances letting me drink.

I want to get back in the new year with the first week of sobriety and all the shitty physical symptoms of withdrawing. I see a pink cloud just a few days away. 

Happy 2014 all!


13 Responses to “Reaching Out”

  1. Corbie December 30, 2013 at 6:34 pm #

    That’s wonderful that they reacting so positively! Have a wonderful time away!!

  2. wren1450 December 30, 2013 at 7:27 pm #

    Have a wonderful vacation. And I think you were very wise to tell your friends about your not wanting to drink. They are not responsible for your actions, but if you did not open up to them, they would wonder what the hell was going on. Have fun….sober!

  3. lucy2610 December 30, 2013 at 7:50 pm #

    I’m really hoping that you have a lovely time away and that when the drink is gone the depression will be too 🙂 I’ll be thinking of you on my next run – maybe you’ll be running then too? xx

    • FitFatFood December 30, 2013 at 8:02 pm #

      I will be, round some beautiful lakes and mountains! 🙂 See you in the new year x

  4. soberjournalist December 30, 2013 at 8:25 pm #

    Yes! Double like. I think it’s great you’re reaching out to friends and family. Happy new year.

  5. carrieonsober December 30, 2013 at 10:19 pm #

    I’m glad you have opened up and let some real life support in. It’s going to make a huge difference. Good on you for putting down the wine. You are going to feel fab on hols, you deserve it!

  6. carrythemessage December 31, 2013 at 4:32 am #

    Sounds like a good plan, my friend. Opening up helped me take away the shame of it, and found a wonderful support system at the same time. Amazing how our problems seem to shrink once we share them. Getting to the GP and being brutally honest is great too. Sounds like you are really taking things to task here.

    Have a wonderful time off and Happy New Year 🙂


  7. primrosep December 31, 2013 at 6:43 am #

    I found telling my friends and family about why I was stopping drinking incredibly difficult. Still do. Have told most people sanitised versions which are easier for me to live with. But even telling people just some of the truth has being incredibly freeing. I hope you have a brilliant holiday, free of the burden of self-imposed isolation, and buoyed up by the support of your friends. We will all be here if you need us too! Best wishes for only pink clouds where you’re going, beautiful runs and an amazing start to 2014! XX

  8. Amina C December 31, 2013 at 12:17 pm #

    Telling people is so difficult. But kudos to you for letting those close to you know. Have a great trip and Happy New Year!

  9. Hana December 31, 2013 at 4:50 pm #

    This is my experience: it took about 1 month for the intense depression to improve and another month for it to lift almost completely. In the past I gave in and drank when I felt really bad – usually around 2+ weeks, or a month+. Unfortunately these new Day 1s were in no way better than the previous ones, and I started to see that the relief I was hoping for was not in the bottle! I learned that feeling poorly in early sobriety was part of the deal (for some people), that it wouldn’t last forever, and that it would very likely improve with time.That gave me the hope I needed to grit my teeth and rack up day after sober day while praying for improvement in regards to my emotional health. At 69 days I can definitely say that I feel better and better, and that this is the best gift I could give myself! Keep going and it will get better and easier!!! Cyber hugs! Hana

    • FitFatFood December 31, 2013 at 6:33 pm #

      This is JUST what I needed to read right now as I’m contemplating having a drink to see out the new year. I won’t. Thank you.

  10. risingwoman January 1, 2014 at 12:26 pm #

    Have a wonderful vacation! What a great way to start 2014…

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