Happy & Sober

13 Feb

Isn’t it interesting, reading back your own blog?

Sometimes, when I’m having the “was I REALLY that bad?” moment that we all recognise, I read over old posts to remind myself of why I’ve stopped the drinking madness. Reading them is such a strange exercise, because I sometimes don’t recognise the person who’s written them at all. I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve written from a position of complete, uncomfortable honesty and I’m reading raw words rather than recalling incidents from the much cosier perspective of selective memory, but it really helps to read back. And it reminds me that I’m more vulnerable than I often think I am.

In good moments, I feel on top of the world, and don’t recognise some of the agonised posts. Thankfully, because of sobriety, these moments are happening more frequently and I’m starting to feel more grounded and more serene. It would be fair to say that at the moment, every day I’m having a burst of joy at being alive and sober. This usually happens in the morning on the way to work when I’m at my most energetic, and while I’m writing my gratitude list at night. I didn’t think doing a gratitude list would make such a difference to my well-being, but it really has. Every night I light a gorgeous scented candle and write in my little book and feel brilliant. It’s such a nice way to close my day.

It makes me realise that whilst the direct consequences of my drinking weren’t devastating in terms of my behaviour or relationships, drinking truly robbed me of my happiness. I was on a constant rollercoaster of depression. Now, I’m feeling much more level, less crazy, the lows are less low.

I’m just so happy to feel secure in my sobriety this time round. Not in the sense that I believe I won’t drink if I let my guard down, but in the sense that I really love being sober this time, and that drinking doesn’t seem appealing at all. Before Christmas when I was on my last sober run, every day was a monumental battle against cravings and the feeling that while being sober had benefits, I wanted to drink more than I did to battle. Now, I really don’t want to throw away what I’ve got, and mercifully, cravings aren’t an issue.

Happy happy happy Thursday!

9 Responses to “Happy & Sober”

  1. wren1450 February 13, 2014 at 3:44 pm #

    Wow; this one is a keeper. I print out some of the blogs that really touch me, and yours did. Your happiness and serenity and the “rightness” of how you feel because of your sobriety fairly bursts out. I hope I get to the stage where you are living…..someday.
    Joan B.

    • FitFatFood February 13, 2014 at 11:17 pm #

      Ahhh Joan thank you. You will do- you’ve seen me stumble and fall, we started on a day 1 at almost the same time late last year and that was my millionth day one and by no means the last (until this time, I hope). I’m always rooting for you xx x x

  2. carrieonsober February 13, 2014 at 4:15 pm #

    Great evidence that if you try, try, and try again, you can find the sober/happy combination that suits you!
    Lovely positive post. X

  3. jenisthesoberist February 13, 2014 at 5:08 pm #

    Reading old blog posts is such a good reminder of how far we’ve come. Sobriety suits you! xx

    • FitFatFood February 13, 2014 at 11:15 pm #

      I think you might be right Jen 🙂

  4. nomorewine4me February 13, 2014 at 11:57 pm #

    Wonderful post. I’m totally stealing the lighting the candle thing, what a lovely image. You’re doing a great job.

  5. Lilly February 16, 2014 at 9:42 am #

    LOVE this. Love how happy you sound. and I’m stealing your candle/list idea, what a lovely way to end the day.

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