Intervention

24 Feb

So, I’ve known over the past few months that  my job isn’t right for me but haven’t done anything about it yet, waiting to get some more sober time under my belt. But today, the universe has intervened and forced my hand to REALLY consider what to do next. 

I’m a freelancer who’s been with the same company for a very long time, so much so I forget I’m not staff there. I found out today the team I work for is changing shape, so my contract will end at the end of next month. This is a big shock to the system. 

I have to decide what to do next. 

I am so so pleased with today, because the following things happened:

  • I got this news out of the blue and didn’t freak out. 
  • I didn’t cry, get anxious or feel wounded.
  • I knew this decision wasn’t about me, but about the company. I recognised they value me rather than thinking it’s all my fault and that they’re forcing me out. 
  • I accepted their offer of help finding another role in a different team. 
  • I didn’t blame my drinking for the ending of this contract- it’s out of my hands. Whilst my drinking definitely had some impact on my work, I accepted my boss’ praise for a job really well done and didn’t get Imposter Syndrome. 
  • I’ve accepted that this is the situation I have to deal with, and am making plans for What to Do Next. Breaking it down into a manageable plan of action. 
  • Most importantly, I DIDN’T DRINK.

Today has been huge in my journey. This is the kind of situation that I would REALLY drink over in the past. But all I thought this afternoon was “Usually on a day like this I’d get smashed, but I don’t want to now” and then moved on.

Thank God for the principles I’ve learnt in AA in the short time I’ve been in there. I feel true serenity today- whatever will happen will happen, but I’ll do the best I can to do what’s within my power to get the outcome that will suit me and my early sobriety.

Yes I’m worried about money, and about what job I choose next (there are a few options on the table already, thankfully) but I’ve been brought to this crossroads and I’m going to work through it without drinking. In some senses, the timing couldn’t be worse- I’m in the process of buying a flat and in the early days of sobriety FFS. I need stability and an income. But in another sense, I think it’s the gift in disguise I’ve been waiting for, speeding up the process of me looking at what I want to do every day. 

I’m going to think hard about how to support myself during these decisions. At least I know one vital thing: I can’t drink. If I drink I won’t get through it in one piece and will truly scupper my chances of giving myself the space and support I need to make the right choice. 

So thanks, Universe, you crafty bugger. 

Let’s see what happens next…

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9 Responses to “Intervention”

  1. Birdo February 24, 2014 at 9:31 pm #

    Blimey. Crafty bugger universe indeed. Sorry to hear your news – BUT at least the universe came up with this when you were at your most mentally ready to deal with it. It’s not a test as much as a chance to see what the sober you can decide is best for you at this point. Make use of your support at AA – there’s likely to be a number of people there who have lost jobs and have had to start again in various ways. Drawing on their wisdom will be beneficial for all of you. Do some sensible things like making financial contingency plans or updating your CV with the time you might have previously spent drunk and brooding. And keep using us lot on the blog, for all we are worth (;))
    And you can always start writing a book on how the blogging community has become such a valuable resource for those tackling sobriety and lapses…

  2. jenisthesoberist February 24, 2014 at 10:42 pm #

    Sounds like an exciting opportunity for you. So happy that you are sober to deal with it and make the best choice. Keep us updated! Big hugs.

  3. Odysseus300 February 25, 2014 at 6:38 am #

    Sounds like your thinking is healthy and balanced about this opportunity. and enormous congratulations for not drinking … that is a milestone! Good luck, and remember – you don’t need to make any decisions about these opportunities immediately. That’s a strong position to be in!

  4. Rebecca A. Watson February 25, 2014 at 11:01 am #

    Well done not drinking. Big changes like that can be really tough, but it sounds like you’re handling it like an adult, and a sober one at that. Kudos to you! And you’re right. The Universe is totally on your side 🙂 Things will work out.

  5. graysgrogblog February 26, 2014 at 6:31 am #

    Strong, strong, strong! Love it! :o)
    If it’s any help, you’re in good company. Over 1000 redundancies planned in the next “x” months over this end. I’m taking the whole thing in a similar way to your description and nothing feels out of control, even the stuff that IS! If you get my drift!
    More power to you and have a good day!
    G x

  6. themiracleisaroundthecorner February 26, 2014 at 4:56 pm #

    Inspiring! I can’t wait to read what happens next!

  7. lucy2610 February 27, 2014 at 7:46 pm #

    And you were only saying a few days ago that you weren’t sure about your job and what you wanted. Someone was listening 😉

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

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