Made It

22 Mar

I made it through yesterday, but BOY was it hard. 

I threw every single tool at the craving. Every single one. And it worked. 

Here’s what I did:

  • I text lots of AA people
  • I arranged to go to a meeting with my sponsor
  • I made a bargain with myself that if I made it through the 4 last agonising hours at work, I’d buy a brownie. 
  • I cracked and bought a brownie 45 mins after making that promise. The sugar REALLY helped fight the craving. 
  • I read old blog posts
  • I read all your amazing comments
  • I looked repeatedly at my sobriety counter app, and remembered just how much of a struggle it was to get those first 7 days, never mind the first 66. 
  • I went to a meeting and shared and cried. There’s a lot of tears going on at the moment. The flood gates have well and truly been opened on that front…
  • I went to the cinema and saw my man friend, which gave me some physical comfort, even though this casual/no string relationship isn’t probably the best thing long term, it’s really helping me at the moment, so I’m not worrying about it too much.

The most important thing is that I made it to bed sober. I was in so much danger yesterday, I really really was close to drinking. This whole experience of sobriety is such a rollercoaster- I really feel the highs, bask in them and let them wrap me up in their shiny, comforting glow, but the struggles are really tough. 

I suppose the fact it find this so difficult shows the extent of the problem I have, which is all the more reason not to drink. 

It’s a sunny morning, I woke up with a headache that WASN’T from drinking and I’ve got the whole weekend ahead of me. No shame, no guilt, the pride of remaining strong and whacking wolfie over the head…

It feels great to have made it. 

10 Responses to “Made It”

  1. lucy2610 March 22, 2014 at 12:06 pm #

    Bloody awesome news FFF! Was really worried about you yesterday and am so glad you made it through. Don’t hesitate to call me though if you need to xx

  2. Sober Second Half March 22, 2014 at 12:10 pm #

    Yay! Always keep your toolbox stocked and ready!

  3. soberlearning March 22, 2014 at 12:55 pm #

    That is great news!! I find a treat always works, chocolate, I haven’t eaten so much of it since I was pregnant. Whatever keeps us away from the booze.
    Great job!
    You still didn’t say what movie you went to 🙂
    Have a fabulous sunny morning!

    • FitFatFood March 22, 2014 at 2:00 pm #

      It was under the skin- didn’t particularly enjoy it to be honest! But it meant I was trapped in a cinema for 3 hours 😉

  4. fern March 22, 2014 at 1:17 pm #

    Your experience sounds hard but you got through it so now you know if you pull out the big guns you can do it. Nice work. Happy sober Saturday.

  5. Debbie March 22, 2014 at 4:49 pm #

    So very proud of you. When those types of cravings strike, they are deadly to be sure. But you managed to pull through. A great achievement. 1 FFF 0 wolfie woot woot!! xoxo D

  6. Jean March 22, 2014 at 10:43 pm #

    Congratulations, everyday is one step further from the grip of alcohol. I enjoy reading about how you overcame yesterdays struggle. Hope you have a great weekend.

  7. Lilly March 23, 2014 at 1:24 am #

    Yay yay yay!!! SOOO happy to read this. You know, I was at a BBQ yesterday and struggling a bit with all the abundant booze there (just left early in the end as too hard – just made me too twitchy) and I was thinking of you, and how I really hoped you hadn’t drunk, and that in turn helped me not drink too. Yay us!!!

  8. Shame Doesn't Define Me March 23, 2014 at 2:00 am #

    Atta girl!! I’m proud of you. Having a headache the next day is a reminder that you can zero in on your health and not worry about it being due to alcohol. This is good stuff. (Today I had TWO brownies and a crap load of m and ms!)

  9. BirdoMcD March 23, 2014 at 12:28 pm #

    well done. You are so, so much stronger than you realise! And so resourceful.
    Atta girl indeed 😉

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