Overflowing

16 Apr

When I’m having a great day, I often become aware of why I want to drink. I want to drink to become full to the brim, to be bursting with happiness, or to temper that amazing, nervous excited feeling that comes with being elated.

As I was bouncing down the road to work this morning, I was full of that feeling. Full of joy and elation. Life is bloody good. And for the first time in a very long time, I didn’t want to multiply that feeling by adding booze into the equation. I’m so happy because I’m NOT drinking, of course I am. What an obvious revelation!  

Now that I’ve removed alcohol from the equation I can see that my life is basically pretty brilliant. The period of my life I’m going through at the moment is just brilliant. I’m happy, secure and am privileged to be part of a hobby group that gives me spine-tingling, life affirming experiences week in week out. I’ve got my dream job starting in a few weeks, and I’m leaving my current one on a high.

I basically feel on top of the world.

And yet I let the niggles of the uncomforableness (not a word, I know) not drinking creep in. Maybe what I need is a change of perspective. I’ve been emailing another lovely sober blogger recently and this morning she wrote something to me that was so true. She spoke about the idea that alcohol gives us NOTHING, it only takes away.

Deep down I know this, I’ve experienced it first hand, I’ve steeped myself in the Alan Carr/Jason Vale ideas which are along these lines, but I haven’t yet taken it on board fully.

When I look back on this period of my life, I KNOW I’ll look back on it as a golden one. It’s magic, some of the things that are happening at the moment. And yet, some of the amazing experiences I’m lucky enough to have I’ve been having for years in various forms through my hobby group and my job, and yet these have all been tainted by drink.

Yes I’ve had some hard times, but I’ve also had some brilliant ones. Looking back over experiences that I should remember with a sense of elation, I only remember the tang of shame from drinking. So my idea that alcohol enhances happiness and supersizes experience is UTTER BOLLOCKS. It’s a fictional notion that I’ve tried and tested and found simply not to be true.

So with that thought at the front of my mind, I’m going to skip through this happy patch, savouring every minute.

 

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6 Responses to “Overflowing”

  1. youngfreesoberme April 16, 2014 at 12:44 pm #

    Hi 🙂
    I can completely relate to this post. I so often want to drink when I’m feeling ecstatically happy. I just want even more. I need a way to release that happiness, or something. It’s annoying how being happy can be a trigger, because who in their right mind wants to avoid being happy??? But as you say, I’m usually happy BECAUSE I’m not drinking. The irony. I need to remember that my happiness is a result of my not drinking. And my drinking made me sad. All the best, and I’m glad things are going so well for you. 🙂

    • FitFatFood April 16, 2014 at 1:00 pm #

      So glad someone else feels lie this. It’s been a huge revelation to me 🙂

      • youngfreesoberme April 16, 2014 at 1:04 pm #

        It’s a pain in the ass, but in a culture like ours (I’m from Ireland) its like we’ve been conditioned to celebrate any happy events with drink. At least we’re aware 🙂

      • FitFatFood April 16, 2014 at 1:41 pm #

        Yes! And I know exactly what you mean about the cultural thing…

  2. Rebecca A. Watson April 16, 2014 at 1:35 pm #

    I can totally relate. The happy times are tough for me as well. I noticed something tho last night and this morning…when I used to drink I would get those over the top feelings of happiness and inevitably I would crash a few hours/days later and I would get really bummed out. Now that I’ve quit drinking, that doesn’t seem to happen, so maybe topping off the happiness is really the straw that breaks the camel’s back? That’s how I am choosing to see it. I’ll take the peace and almost overflowing happiness. So glad that you can see that it’s a lie that alcohol improves things. And congrats on having your dream job and fantastic life…you deserve it 😉

  3. lucy2610 April 16, 2014 at 8:29 pm #

    When I am happy is THE most dangerous time. I drank more then than at any other time. Why I would want to tarnish that pure happiness with booze now seems crazy lady thinking but there you go – we live and learn 🙂 xx

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