I’ve had one helluva week. My feet have barely touched the ground and I’ve barely slept. My self care regime has gone out of the window as other things have taken priority.
This week, it was necessary for me to allow the chaos to happen, but as I’ve changed job and this level of madness is going to become part of my life for the foreseeable future, I need to work out how to cope.
I feel pretty shocking today. For the first time in ages I got 8 hours sleep last night and that has helped, but I’ve got a general sense of anxiety I haven’t experienced for a long time. My body is telling me something is off. When something is wrong, I feel it so physically, I can’t ignore it. And now my go-to numbing tool of drinking is off the table, I need to deal with it head on.
I’m going to try and meditate today, get to the gym for an all-out heart pumping workout and go to a meeting. Meetings have slipped (I didn’t go to one for 8 days!) and I can feel that too. They don’t lie in AA when they say not going to meetings is dangerous. Around Wednesday this week I could feel myself inching closer to a drink. I knew I wouldn’t take one that day, but if I don’t remind myself frequently that I really am an alcoholic, that first glance seems ever more appealing.
This sobriety lark is a continuous process, isn’t it? A constant maintaining of positive practices, taking emotional checks and balances.
I feel better writing this, I knew blogging would help. There’s something very powerful about getting your feelings down on paper. In times of need, when I’ve been really down or worked up into a frenzy, writing this blog has always helped me. When you commit words to paper (or the screen), you look at them objectively as a reader would. Is the world ending? No. Is this life or death? No. Have I felt like this before? Certainly. Are there things I can do to help myself? Yes.
This blog has become an ongoing record of the ebbs and flows of sober life. Some days I feel bloody fantastic, others today, I feel off-centre. But that’s ok, because all these moments pass and as long as I don’t drink, I feel better equipped to deal with them.
Right, I’m off to get my meditation on. Happy Saturday lovely bloggers!
FitFatFood- Blogging to Stay Sober 
tried to post hun but it wouldn’t let me, sorry xxx
anyway….here I am having a senior moment sorry…just to say I enjoyed your blog as always. I too feel stressed at the moment, the fine weather is reminding me of wine boxes and the fantasy of moderate drinking. The fact that I am obsessing about alcohol tells me I have a problem. Blogging has got me sober as well, and we need to keep doing it to stay sober xxx
STUPID WEATHER.
It’s so hard sometimes isn;t it? I loved your post today about the false remeberings of drinking- really useful to me x x x x x x
great post. and great too that you are identifying these warning signs and planning to overcome them.
what you say also reminded me of a post by Patrick on spiritualriver.com – have you come across him? he talks about the line between recovery and relapse as being a continuum, and that where we are on that line depends upon the effort we put into personal growth, which makes a lot of sense to me. link here: http://www.spiritualriver.com/personal-growth-strategy-relapse-prevention/
hope you had a blast at the gym and that the new job is going well. they are lucky to have a firecracker like you! xx
Haha thanks Prim! I hand;t seen that post- thanks so much for sharing it.
I needed to read that today, thanks again,
Hope meditation helps lady. Hang in there and keep doing the work…things will even out. Hugs!
I hope so rebecca! Thank you x
You’re doing so well and facing your problems head on. Keep blogging. I’m going through similar things. Too busy to write, too busy to do treats and I know that letting the blogging slip really does weaken the resolve. Speak soon x
Glad to hear you’re also planning how to keep yourself safe. It’s not easy, but if we’re self aware we can get there x
I love that you’re listening to your body. I’m working on that myself. Take care of you!