Last Friday, I consumed alcohol. I was in a bar of people most of whom knew I don’t drink, so when I asked for a slimline tonic, I assumed I’d be safe.
I had a sip, thought it was sweeter than I was used to, and assumed the drink wasn’t slimline. But there was something about the taste that wasn’t right. I smelled it to see whether it had alcohol in and it seemed fine, so after another few minutes, I took another sip.
It would be an over exaggeration to say I could feel it in my veins, but with that second sip I knew that this was alcohol and that I needed to Get the Hell Out of Dodge. I asked the kind drink buyer whether it was gin and tonic because I don’t drink and she was MORTIFIED. It was.
Hilariously, the reason I didn’t recognise it to contain gin was because I don’t think I’ve EVER had a single gin and tonic in my life! It wasn’t the kind of gin *I* recognised. I remember once being caught at a party pouring a drink that was significantly more gin than it was tonic and the person who saw me thinking this was wonderfully out of character for me. ‘In for a big one?’ She’d asked, and I just thought ‘how little gin do YOU put in your drink- this is totally normal!’ I was genuinely amazed that anyone would consider somewhere near a single or even double measure satisfying.
Anyway, back to the bar.
I gave the drink to someone else and ordered a diet coke, trying to brush it off. But I felt really uncomfortable. I’d had a stressful day and was ill at ease anyway, but this close scrape really shook me. What if I hadn’t stopped? What if I hand’t been able to put that drink down? Losing nearly 6 months of sobriety for a silly mistake would have been devastating.
What was encouraging was that I didn’t WANT to carry on drinking that drink. The thought of ingesting alcohol truly terrified me. And I suppose that’s a positive sign. That when faced with a glass of alcohol I’ve already partly consumed, I choose sobriety.
I told my sponsor about it immediately and she reassured me that this wasn’t relapse because I hadn’t intended to take the drink.
I’m so happy to be sober today. I have a headache, I’ve got a bit of drama going on with not being able to live where I’m living for much longer, my job is very high pressured and as usual, I’m not getting enough sleep. But in sobriety, all this stuff is manageable. So today I choose to avoid that first deadly drink.
FitFatFood- Blogging to Stay Sober 
Oh my gosh what a story, amazing the power and grace to stop, i know that feeling in the veins, kudos to u!
Thank you x
Well done on just passing the drink on and carrying on with your evening. I can imagine that completely freaked out feeling. I have been a bit obsessive about the idea accidental drinking, and an incident like this would really play with my head! And you’re so right – having that taste and not wanting to carry on is a very positive sign. xx
I think this happens to many people who quit drinking and your reaction to it was really great. Of course it wasn’t a relapse and what a relief to not even be interested in drinking the rest of it! Hope things settle down in your life. You deserve peace and calm 🙂
I’d also obsessed about it but when it came to crunch time, thankfully it was fine 🙂
Fab blog about your personal power, wonderful xxx
Slowly trying to make my desire to stay sober stronger than the desire to drink and at the moment, it’s definitely in the right place. I hope it stays there 🙂
i had a very similar experience where i had a sip and then panicked… oh no, what if wolfie wakes up! i drank oj, and then coffee, and tried to get the taste out of my mouth … and like you, was surprised to find that i didn’t want to drink. no even by accident 🙂
Finally that balance seems to have shifted. I remember writing some months ago “I want to be sober more than I want to drink” and this was proven true last week.
May I continue on this path 🙂
I had a similar experience when a coworker gave me a piece of fancy gourmet chocolate. I bit into the candy and realized it was rum-filled. I was horrified. I did the same as you, called my sponsor thinking I would have to reset my sobriety date. And I was told the same thing, it wasn’t intentional on my part, and I didn’t continue consuming alcohol, so, no, it wasn’t a relapse. Thank goodness for wise sponsors!
Great job handling a slippery situation. It really shows just how important your recovery is to you. Kudos!!
~Jami
I think I remember you writing about this- I can only imagine that it’s hugely positive that our first reaction was to call our trusty sponsors 🙂
This happened to me recently with a room service dessert that was supposed to come with lavender ice cream and instead came with *bourbon* ice cream. And not just bourbon-flavored, either (if there even is a way to make something taste like bourbon without alcohol), but actually containing ‘an entire shot of bourbon,’ as the room service lady cheerfully informed me when she delivered it. The idea of explaining, getting a replacement, etc. just seemed too daunting so I kept silent and then dumped it right down the sink once she was gone. Probably the first time in my life I’ve been *scared* of ice cream. 😉
Haha fear of ice cream made me laugh! That must’ve taken lots of willpower…
This fed doesn’t count as a relapse~ actually what a positive experience. You choose your sobriety & didn’t want to drink more! Thanks for sharing!!! Wishing you luck on your living situation is settled soon! Your right this is all manageable! Hugs to you!!!
Ahhh I always love it when you pop up momma bee 🙂 thank you and I hope YOU are well x
Awww I am thank you! I am
Well- crazy busy! I am so behind on reading the blogs! Day 108 or something…. Hugs!!!!
how splendid that you stood there, asking whether it was gin and tonic, because YOU DON”T DRINK.
because you don’t. not even when you unintentionally do. you still don’t. Wolfie practically holding your nose and tipping it into your mouth, and you still don’t. no fuck-it moments for you. whoop whoop! 🙂 xx