2 Bottles of Wine

11 Jul

I’m having someone round for dinner tonight, and I just walked home with 2 bottles of wine in a carrier bag, one for me, one for my guest. One of them (mine, obvs) is non alcoholic wine.

This is the first time I’ve bought Pretend Wine in this sober stint, and it’s because I want to feel like I’m having the real deal. I want to open a bottle and fill my glass with something straw coloured. To pretend to be a grown up drinking wine, just like the old days. I walked home from the shops, listening to the satisfying clink and wondering which one I would drink tonight. What would happen if I opened the REAL wine. How bad could it be? I’m just in the safety of my flat after all…

I’m going through a really weird period of sobriety where I am at once SO HAPPY to be sober and also a bit rebellious about the whole thing. I feel like I’m playing with fire a little bit, buying wine when I’m alone with 3 hours to kill before my guest arrives. It’s like the time I opened up a bottle of vodka in the flat to smell the intoxicating fumes. I’m testing myself, and I don’t quite know why.

It’s fine today, TODAY I won’t drink, and the act of writing this blog post is keeping me accountable but I worry. Why am I doing all these little rebellious acts, inching closer and closer to the edge of a precipice? If I lean too far over to take in the scary view below, I’ll fall.

I’m not quite sure what to do to snap myself out of this childish phase of testing myself unnecessarily. Any suggestions are very very welcome.

Happy Sober Weekend to you all!

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13 Responses to “2 Bottles of Wine”

  1. primrose July 11, 2014 at 4:35 pm #

    funnily enough I am just thinking about this myself as I drink a C&T from a satisfyingly enormous wineglass. When does walking the tightrope turn into a trigger, and when are we exploiting the comfort of old rituals minus the alcohol? tell you what – I won’t be triggered if you won’t, ok?! Xx

  2. momma bee July 11, 2014 at 4:45 pm #

    You wished us a sober weekend and now I am wising you a sober weekend! No booze for us~ you will pass this dumb test w/ flying colors! Hugs! Have a great weekend! MB

    • FitFatFood July 12, 2014 at 11:39 am #

      Thanks momma beeeeeee! A gorgeous sober weekend it shall be 🙂

  3. thirstystill July 11, 2014 at 7:09 pm #

    I’m not offering advice, but I am wondering whether you’re testing yourself because you’re refusing to be unnecessarily afraid. There’s so much advice to be careful of every potential risk, and that doesn’t work for some people. (It doesn’t for me, anyway.) Finding out what works for you rather than always swathing yourself in caution seems healthy to me. I’m with Primrose on keeping a lot of the rituals the same, just removing the alcohol, and I find a great deal of comfort in that. I hope you have a great evening! xo

    • FitFatFood July 12, 2014 at 11:38 am #

      That’s really interesting, the refusal to be unnecessarily afraid. I’m not sure what was going on, but I snapped myself out of it and am back to thinking the “real” wine has no place in my glass x

  4. Anne July 11, 2014 at 7:14 pm #

    Ah, the allure of the illicit!
    Sometimes that’s what we really want. The feeling we are doing something naughty.
    I think enjoying your faux wine is a good thing. I think tempting yourself too much is not. Willpower can only last so long.
    So if there’s real wine left after tonight pour it down the sink!
    Have a great weekend.

    • FitFatFood July 12, 2014 at 11:37 am #

      Thanks Anne- down the sink it has gone 🙂

  5. lucy2610 July 11, 2014 at 8:12 pm #

    FFF I have a glass of alcohol free wine sat beside me as I type so I’d be interested to hear what you think after you’ve tried it. For me it gives the ritual of drinking but I rarely drink more than one glass and for me it’s a bit like de-caff coffee – the nice taste without the nasty impact. As for the real stuff I wouldn’t bother the fake stuff is okay in my books so there is just no draw anymore 😉

    • FitFatFood July 12, 2014 at 11:36 am #

      It was ok… I think where I was “testing” myself was with having a real bottle close by. I’m just being silly- back to normal today and loving sunny sobriety 🙂

  6. littlemsjones July 12, 2014 at 10:07 am #

    I have just read your entire blog, to fill in yet another shitty day 1. You are inspirational.

    • FitFatFood July 12, 2014 at 11:34 am #

      Thank you love- it’s not been easy as you will tell from the ups and downs of my posts! It’s worth it though.

      With every day 1 comes a lesson that contributes to eventual long term sobriety. Keep on keeping on x x x x

      • littlemsjones July 12, 2014 at 1:00 pm #

        I am blogging at sparklysober.wordpress.com if anyone would like to read. So good to reach out.

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