17 Nov

I am like a new woman. After last week’s mega-wobble, I finally forced myself to stop. I called in sick to work (let’s file that one under “naughty but necessary”) and made myself rest. ALL day. I dialled down my weekend commitments too, and spent an adequate amount of time pottering. Oh the restorative powers of pottering.

And surprise surprise, it’s worked. I feel on an even keel again. Once again, my mind is forced to turn to the idea of balance. That’s the crux of it all, really, isn’t it? It seems to be for me. Drinking, ironically, helped me gain some balance in the beginning, freeing me from the bonds of restriction, dogged self control and being ridiculously uptight. But of course being prone to taking things to the extremities, drinking got out of balance, and slowly my life turned upside down. Here, balance, which in this context might also be called “moderation”, didn’t work. It was a case of stop-or-continue-dying.

But in sobriety, keeping those delicate scales in harmony is, for me, the biggest factor in maintaining my well being. I come back time after time, month after month to the same few things: sleep, good diet, time for exercise and learning when to stop.

I was feeling all kinds of crazy last week and now I don’t. I feel like a “normal person”, god forbid.

Last night as I tucked myself up in bed feeling super calm and grateful, I read a few old blog posts to remind myself of where I was at last year. I was just embarking on my second decent run of sobriety, and was working the whole thing out. I was like a new born chick, feeling my way out of the egg shell, trembling as I went. I found this post, where I’m starting to feel my emotions again.

It scares me, when I read back how I felt then, but also gives me a huge boost when I compare that to how I feel now. Early sobriety was tough, I was dealing with some intense stuff:

So really, the ups and downs I feel now are nothing in comparison to those early days. Thank goodness for sobriety, for learning to walk its tightrope and finding balance at last.

Happy Monday!


8 Responses to “Restoration”

  1. Bea November 17, 2014 at 9:22 am #

    I am so happy that you have restored your calm equilibrium. I feel your relief 🙂 X

  2. Sarah November 17, 2014 at 10:03 am #

    Happy Monday right back at you!

  3. lucy2610 November 17, 2014 at 11:08 am #

    Yay happy to hear that FFF 🙂 xx

  4. e12p November 17, 2014 at 1:28 pm #

    Great post! Like you, I used booze to balance out being a perfectionist and really hard on myself sober. It’s hard to find something else to “use” to balance out those feelings, and sometimes just dialing those feelings themselves back (with rest) is what restores balance. Thanks for the reminder to slow down and rest!!

  5. Annie November 17, 2014 at 4:56 pm #

    I’m glad you’re feeling more balanced. I need some of that, please! Annie x

  6. carrieonsober November 17, 2014 at 11:16 pm #

    Great to hear you got through the wobble.
    Sober tools and remembering that everything passes – that’s clearly worked a treat.
    I am so glad to read that you put yourself before everything and took the well earned rest you needed.
    No spininess allowed here 😉
    Pottering rocks!!

  7. rachel black November 18, 2014 at 5:55 pm #

    so glad to hear you’re back on track. Rx

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