A Life Beyond my Wildest Dreams

17 Dec

One of the promises in AA is that through that spiritual programme, you can achieve a “life beyond your wildest dreams.”

When I first came into the programme, I was hoping for nothing of the sort. All I wanted was to stop drinking. What life would feel like sober I didn’t know- I knew from white knuckle periods of sobriety that it would be painful, so I imagined long term sobriety to be an unpleasant existence, characterised by dull pain and deprivation.

At 11 months sober, I know that this vision was so far off the mark its unbelievable.

I haven’t posted in some time because life is so full and wonderful I haven’t had a spare moment. I am overflowing with joy. I feel a serenity I never thought was possible. I’ve never really had relief from the grinding cogs of dis-ease that have been a big part of my life since I was very little until now. My brain has quietened down. My stomach is no longer in knots.

The life I’m living is hectic and scary and full of big risks. But because I’ve been doing lots of work to lay my sober and spiritual foundations, all the emotional wrangling that usually would be such a struggle seems to be working its way out under the surface without giving me any problems. Sobriety has empowered me to be brave and trust that everything will be ok.

I could never, ever have imagined feeling the way I’m feeling and living the life I’m living but here I am.

I’ve got lots of work to do, I still use external things (food, men) to make me feel better sometimes, but I’ve come so far since last December when I had what (I hope will be) my final relapse.

I’m inching towards 1 year sober and for my soberversary I have planned a big trip to reflect and savour the occasion out of the bustle of city life. And I can do this now, trust myself to be in a fit state to enjoy something like that. To travel alone and be present with myself rather than filling the space with booze.

Ahhhhh sobriety is so worth it. Worth all the struggle and heartbreak of those final days drinking, the pain of early sobriety, the roller coaster of emotions that comes as we settle into our sober selves.

This year has been one of the best I’ve ever had, and it’s all due to being on the sober path. The impossible has become possible.

Happy Wednesday!

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5 Responses to “A Life Beyond my Wildest Dreams”

  1. momma bee December 17, 2014 at 1:17 pm #

    This makes me so happy to read- I am so happy for you! You have come a long way- we both have! We both can no understand when people say sobriety is awesome & worth it! Thanks for updating- so excited for your 1 year soberversary! Hugs!

  2. lucy2610 December 17, 2014 at 3:31 pm #

    Wonderful FFF! So happy for you lovely 🙂 xx PS Can you check your FFF email address as you have mail waiting for you 😉 xx

  3. Debbie December 17, 2014 at 4:56 pm #

    So glad to see your post! I’ve missed you! And I could not be happier for you 🙂 Way to go, my friend, way to go!

  4. soberp82 December 18, 2014 at 11:33 am #

    I couldn’t agree with you more! Since I got sober in January this year, my life has changed to being better then I could have imagined. I do wish I’d been stronger in the past and committed to sobriety earlier in my life butI think we all need to be ready for it – I’m so thankful I finally said yes to it 🙂

  5. ainsobriety December 18, 2014 at 11:22 pm #

    That is so great. It is a process to unravel all the underlying issues and we don’t need to rush it!
    Finding that ability to be alone with myself has been big. I hope your trip is full of joy and serenity.
    Anne

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