Message in a Bottle Part II

25 Dec

Last year, I wrote this post :

Christmas would have been so different if I hadn’t drank. I feel down, anxious and helpless. Today would have been day 45, I would have gone on my annual Christmas run with joy in my heart. Once I drink, the negative effects last for days. I ran this morning and derived no pleasure from it, I felt ashamed, self loathing and deep rooted sadness. I wanted to sit down in the middle of the street and cry.

My family are big drinkers and watching them do it today is making me even sadder. My brother suffers from depression gand has just got out of a spell in prison, and just looking at him drinking bottle after bottle of beer makes me want to weep.

But, every day is a new start, and tomorrow I’m hoping the post-drinking blues abate and that I start to get some of my sober clarity and peace back. 

This time next year when I post on Christmas day, I want to do so with a year of sobriety under my belt. I want to re-read this and remember the pain and discomfort that drinking has brought back so quickly. I want to have worked through how to cope with my low moods and be a stronger person for it. I want to be 100% sober and comfortable with a new lifestyle. Drinking ruins so much, it’s just not worth it. I’ve written it time after time on here this year and keep slipping. One day, I’ll no longer slip, I’ll wobble along sober but will no longer fall.

This post is like a little message in a bottle for what I hope the next year will bring. It will be my 2014 Christmas Day treat to read how far I’ll have come. I can do this, I know it’s within me to. I just need to keep the faith in myself, which I currently don’t have back, but  with a few sober days under my belt, it will come. 

Here’s to ending 2013 sober and starting 2014 on the right foot. 

It was all possible. I am so happy to have run down the same road this morning where last year I begged the universe for help. I ran around this beautiful landscape and my heart sang.

Thanks to you bloggers, my AA community and my higher power (the universe!) my wish came true. Best Christmas present ever.

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14 Responses to “Message in a Bottle Part II”

  1. ainsobriety December 25, 2014 at 7:21 pm #

    What a beautiful christmas gift for yourself!
    Merry christmas.
    Anne

  2. cheryl December 25, 2014 at 7:35 pm #

    so glad you got your Christmas wish! sober it better isn’t it. i am only on day 5 but reading posts such as yours gives me hope. thanks for the beautiful post.

  3. soberlearning December 26, 2014 at 3:27 am #

    Great post! Congratulations. You had your moment when it finally stuck.
    Bless the Universe!

  4. girlonthelearn December 26, 2014 at 4:15 am #

    Best Christmas gift ever!! So happy for you and this gives me so much hope for my own journey.

    • FitFatFood December 26, 2014 at 10:22 am #

      Thank you & keep on trying- it’s within your grasp but so hard. This S***T aint easy x x x

  5. primrose December 26, 2014 at 6:22 am #

    I remember you writing part I 🙂

    three million gazillion cheers for part II. and having ‘the click’ is only the start, yes? because it is bloody hard work wobbling but not falling down – ask any Weeble 🙂 – and you have worked so hard over the last almost-year. so glad you are here on the sober shore getting your own message back 🙂 🙂

    • FitFatFood December 26, 2014 at 10:21 am #

      Haha, I didn’t know what Weebles were until I got sober!

      Here’s hoping I weather the wobbles like a Weeble 🙂

      Merry Christms to you lovely prim x

  6. lucy2610 December 26, 2014 at 11:27 am #

    Late to the party but what a prescient post that was FFF! Still as envious of that run this year as I was last year 😉 xx

    • FitFatFood December 26, 2014 at 11:42 am #

      But this year it felt all the sweeter 🙂 Thanks Lou

  7. carrythemessage December 26, 2014 at 6:34 pm #

    Lovely 🙂

  8. carrieonsober December 26, 2014 at 8:33 pm #

    This gave me goosebumps and made me cry. I am right back there in that hellish state of desperation when I read this. The same disappointment that I felt every time I “failed” to get better….
    And like you, it wasn’t until I realised that I was ill, not broken or weak, that I had a chance of a different outcome.
    What a gigantic journey you’ve been on to get to this point and this is such a pleasure to read.
    I am beyond happy for you, you deserve this.
    xxxxx

    • FitFatFood December 26, 2014 at 10:28 pm #

      Thank you Carrie. I am so grateful I was writing through the struggle. Posts like this help me, and others, to be taken right back to that desperate place.

      Here’s to a sober 2015 🙂

  9. eedoubleu December 27, 2014 at 12:43 am #

    I am doing this, one year removed. Today is Day 4 and I am placing this little note of hopefulness in the sober bottle.

    Thank you for this post, your run, your honesty, your love of AA. Thank you for all of this.

    • FitFatFood December 27, 2014 at 10:22 am #

      Thank you- I wish you all the best for 2015 x x x

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