Already It Hurts

19 Feb

So here’s why I know the sugar detox is essential for my long term wellbeing: I can already see the parallels with early sobriety.

Yesterday was a breeze, but today… Oh dear.

I’ve had a shitty day, and know I can’t soothe myself using my numb-er of choice is making me at once sad and panicky: what if I did eat some chocolate, nobody would ever know! I could start over tomorrow, or, even better, I could start in 8 days time and do a 30 day stint, that’s a nice round number, right?!

And so the mad thoughts start. I said in my post the other day that this is not about weight loss, or even health, to be honest. This is about getting to know myself better as I enter my second year of sobriety.

My sponsor recently stated an obvious but very important point about sobriety (the obvious ones are always the ones we miss ourselves, right?!). She said that an important part of our journey is learning to sit with uncomfortable feelings. And that’s what I’m learning I’m terrible at doing. I want everything to be better NOW. I want something external to come along and make me feel whole again.

Today was one of those days where a million little things go wrong and you think, how on earth am I going to live my life as a functioning adult, for, like, EVER.

But as keeps being proved to me over and over, those days pass and things get sunny and shiny again very quickly.

What I’m most grateful for in today’s struggle is it reminds me that I’m an addict. I get addicted to things and can’t give them up easily and it bloody hurts. Feeling as I feel today and how difficult it is to resist the sugar I crave, I’m so thankful that I don’t have to go through that experience with alcohol today. That’s why I treasure my sobriety. That’s why I must work at all of this stuff, to protect what has been so hard won.

Happy grey Thursday bloggers x

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26 Responses to “Already It Hurts”

  1. ainsobriety February 19, 2015 at 6:36 pm #

    Take it easy.
    As a long time low carber, i found sugar elimination went much easier if you significantly increase your fat and salt intake. Have an avocada. And salt your food liberally. Or drink some broth. Or eat salted almonds.

    A lot of the physical symptoms are dehydration.

  2. primrose February 19, 2015 at 6:52 pm #

    I remembered Marmite rice cakes today – wd you love or loathe?! Good to hear your thoughts xxx

  3. lucy2610 February 19, 2015 at 7:09 pm #

    I’m standing right beside you FFF and yep this f*cker is hurting here too. No pain no gain right? 😉 And Prim – LOATHE!!!! xx

    • FitFatFood February 19, 2015 at 7:14 pm #

      It’s not the food its the feelings 😦 😦

      • lucy2610 February 19, 2015 at 7:18 pm #

        I understand lovely {{big hug}} xx

      • FitFatFood February 19, 2015 at 7:22 pm #

        And marmite crackers would definitely not help 😉 but medidation has marginally 🙂

      • lucy2610 February 19, 2015 at 8:16 pm #

        Have just meditated too and was going to suggest that to you!! LOVE the headspace app 🙂

  4. primrose February 19, 2015 at 7:29 pm #

    i am clearly on COMPLETELY the wrong wavelength with suggesting M***mite so really sorry 😉

    on a more serious note sending you BOTH hugs. I am seriously in awe at the size of the step you are taking… you are making a big commitment and I really get that. lots of love. Prim xxx

    • FitFatFood February 19, 2015 at 8:24 pm #

      Thank you. Its a real milestone I think after a slide of late into very bad behaviours. All part of the bigger growth picture 🙂

  5. een February 19, 2015 at 11:13 pm #

    My day 2 of ‘no sugar’ was also ok. It was -5 this morning, (not counting the wind chill) and all I wanted with my coffee was cookies…cookies cookies cookies…..but I have no cookies in the house. I too am learning the whole.””sit with uncomfortable feelings’ thing….egad. i don’t like it……at all. But understand how important it is. Instant gratification is easier…It’s why I enjoy (most of the time) doing the dishes, shoveling snow…. (and of course why i drank so much)
    I had almonds and peppermint tea (plain) then lemon ginger tea (plain) today as my ‘I Need Sugar Now’ antidote.
    hugs and onward…: )

    • FitFatFood February 19, 2015 at 11:26 pm #

      Keeping busy is a good craving fighter as are the nuts! Good work x

  6. eedoubleu February 19, 2015 at 11:49 pm #

    “But as keeps being proved to me over and over, those days pass and things get sunny and shiny again very quickly.”
    Love that.
    Thanks and good luck!
    -ew

  7. carrythemessage February 20, 2015 at 1:23 am #

    Yup…been there. Went 5-6 months without sugar. I got used to it – sorta. The things about the feelings is band on though. If I am not comfortable, I can still find myself craving cookies and other things like that. Finding healthier choices is important, or just plain water (i know, I know). It wil take time if you are comitted and willing.

  8. Adrian February 20, 2015 at 3:31 am #

    Way to go, carry on! You can navigate through this, too…. I just wrote a post about discomfort and will be exploring that a LOT more over the next weeks and months (and years?). Would welcome your feedback. To me, finding ways to sit still with discomfort is what this journey is all about — alcohol was my second addiction/distraction/avoidance mechanism and hopefully the last.

    Adrian
    https://absorbingpeace.wordpress.com/2015/02/18/my-knock-down-drag-out-fight-with-discomfort/

    • FitFatFood February 20, 2015 at 7:54 am #

      I love that post of yours. Very thoughful. And it’s great for us to remember we are works in progress. Youre doing great x

  9. Elizabeth A. (@joyfulanarchist) February 21, 2015 at 11:11 pm #

    I’ve been in an interesting dance with sugar since I quit drinking ~ 14 months ago. Not binging, but just being unable to do without it in regular small doses, despite knowing it’s doing me no good. I’ve gained some weight as a result, though I was underweight to begin with, so not too worried about it, so far. I am starting to feel the sugar consumption (even in the healthy-ish forms in which I consume it) is keeping me from experiencing optimal health. Tommy Rosen said something interesting about food and people being the primary addictions. It makes me wonder if all the years I was drinking if I wasn’t on a kind of methadone mainenance. Maybe my drinking was keeping the sugar demons at bay and now that I’m not drinking, I’ve got to deal with them. Though I still don’t feel quite ready!

    • FitFatFood February 22, 2015 at 12:06 am #

      What an interesting thought, the drinking keeping the food addiction at bay. That was certainly my experience. Do you think you’ll try to cut it out entirely?

      • Elizabeth A. (@joyfulanarchist) February 22, 2015 at 2:10 pm #

        Yes, it’s funny how not drinking has amplified my inner radar in a way that I can’t “self soothe” in destructive ways and get away with it. My conscience just won’t let me. And it’s been telling me in no uncertain words that sugar has to go. So, it’s more a case of biding my time because I’m just not able to do anything other than make it through the day when it’s so cold out.

      • FitFatFood February 22, 2015 at 5:25 pm #

        My “self soothe” alarm is flashing today- the key is reprogramming it I suppose! Your moment will come- we can’t force things too early I think x

  10. waking up February 22, 2015 at 7:54 pm #

    I just found this: http://gabbyb.tv/vlogging/5-tips-to-quit-sugar-the-spirit-junkie-way might be worth a look if you haven’t already 🙂 I’m so in awe of anyone quitting sugar… Wish I could do it myself!

    • FitFatFood February 22, 2015 at 11:58 pm #

      THANK YOU. I would have thought this was nonsense had I not found a spiritual way out of alcohol. I didnt think to apply the same principles though! Doh!

  11. Allie Holbrook February 23, 2015 at 10:13 am #

    Oh, hey, are you lot all doing sugar detoxes? What did I miss? I’m there with you, you guys – Whole30 here, but that means all sugar is out for a month and I’m using it as a rehab. And YES to everything you said, FFF, about feelings and numbness and food. Ugh, right?

    • FitFatFood February 23, 2015 at 11:23 am #

      We are, as a Lent thing!

      Id love to do Whole30 but am too scared. Am i being a big baby? How is it? x

      • Allie Holbrook February 23, 2015 at 9:29 pm #

        Fine – ish, I guess? I don’t like having to think this hard about food. My normal diet is skip breakfast, big muffin for brunch, snack late afternoon, proper balanced dinner, snack in the evenings, so this is kind of forcing me to totally rethink all of that – and the morning rush with two small kids doesn’t really allow for thoughtful preparation of spinach frittata, you know? But I can see it’s going to be worthwhile.

      • FitFatFood February 26, 2015 at 10:26 pm #

        I’ll follow this with interest. And LOL about the kids/fritatta

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