Memory Lane

Today I’m taking a walk down memory lane in the most literal sense of the term, reminding myself why the sobriety I now take for granted is so precious.

In early sobriety it was a daily battle to avoid the bottle. Now, I just don’t drink. The thought crosses my mind once in a blue moon, but I never think twice about acting on it.

Today I’ve been forced to stop in my tracks and contemplate the enormity of how problematic alcohol was for me, as I’m at the site of one of my most horrific drinking incidents. I’m away for work in the place I once nearly killed myself through drinking. Never was the term “a sobering thought” so appropriate. I walked down the street I had a very very dangerous night in and experienced a shiver down my spine. Just yesterday I was thinking my drinking wasn’t really that bad, but today being confronted with such a memory has reminded it really was.

Today I have my health and happiness and life back and drinking had taken all that away. So I just wanted to take a moment to reflect on that, to remind anyone who is struggling that freedom is possible. Amazing things can happen and it’s never the end of the road.

Love to all you bloggers whose stories have helped me along the way.

Happy Saturday!

Freedom

Today I wanted to check in to talk about something about sobriety that I really feel tangibly at the moment: freedom.

At one point, the shackles of alcohol felt unshakeable, and now I walk free…

I am free from the hell of drinking.
I am free from the time loss of hangovers, from the pounding pain and the shame.
I am free from the cycle of being bound to do something that hurt me. I am free from the loss of control.
I am free from feeling my body groan in protest, my liver trembling.
I am free from waking up and not being able to look myself in the eye.
I am free to pursue my ambition.
I am free to decide where my money goes.
I am free from the empty search for other humans to drink with.
I am free to make decisions that suit me, to leave a party when I want to and feel great about it.
I am free from societal expectations; I can be a bubbly happy person who shows being sober is fun.
I am free from the lies of hiding my drinking.
I am free from the devastation of waking up and finding a disgusting purple stained glass next to me, again.
I am free to pursue my love for fitness without constantly f**king it up through drinking away my hard work.
I am free to hold my head high with pride, knowing my self esteem has been rebuilt from the inside out.
I am free to wear a white dress knowing it will stay that way by the end of the night.
I am free to choose the right men because it’s me approving them, not booze making the decision for me.
I am free to live a quieter life, spending my time in a way that makes me happy.
I am free to have complete choice over what lands in my shopping basket. No more carrying a bottle of wine with a sinking feeling in my stomach.
I am free to recharge my body with quality sleep.
I am free to make the most of my
appearance by giving my body proper nourishment.
I am free from the loneliness that the bottle brings.

I am free.