Moderation Management

14 Sep

I wanted to post this today because, well, it riled me. There have been some brilliant articles about women and drink recently and yet this one, for me, totally missed the mark. Perhaps I’m biased because I’m an AA fan, so I welcome your comments…

The original article is from MindBodyGreen:

Women & Booze: Is Everything We Know About Alcoholism Wrong?

The popular notion that if you drink too much, you have an incurable disease is not just scary and stigmatizing — it might also be wrong. For many women, moderation could be the answer.

Jenny didn’t think of herself as an alcoholic, but she knew she was falling into some bad habits. She was drinking alone, and sometimes found it hard to concentrate at work after a night of booze. She brought it up with her therapist, but says he dismissed her, saying he was more concerned about the extra calories and weight gain.

Over the years, her consumption ebbed and flowed. During a decadelong marriage to a nondrinker, she cut down; when they divorced, she again found herself drinking heavily alone.
Throughout this time, she remained functional — she always made it to work, for example — and didn’t identify as the kind of chronic “rock-bottom” drinker she associated with Alcoholics Anonymous.
She had evidence she could live without alcohol, but she also struggled to understand what was driving her to drink excessively, and whether her consumption was a problem. She worried that she couldn’t seem to fully control her drinking.
“I’d always thought at some point I’d like to talk to an alcohol counselor, and they’d either tell me to go to AA or say, ‘What you’re doing is absolutely fine, it’s normal,’” she said recently. “I didn’t realize there was a middle way. … I thought it’s either you quit drinking completely and you go to AA, or you just drink.”
And so, for years she just drank.
For women whose lives include alcohol, Jenny’s story may sound familiar: You realize with a pang of discomfort that it now takes two or three glasses of wine to wind down every night instead of just one occasional glass.
Your drinking may concern you, but the idea of standing up in front of a group meeting in a church basement, calling yourself an alcoholic, and renouncing even a sip of beer for the rest of your life … well, that sounds so extreme.
Is AA’s Message Antifeminist?

AA’s increasingly vocal critics say its approach is troublingly one-size-fits-all, that it ignores the majority of people who might benefit from changing their drinking habits, and that it has an alarmingly low success rate.
In the 80 years since Alcoholics Anonymous was founded, its central argument — that the path to recovery requires abstinence and the admission of powerlessness — has not changed despite seismic cultural shifts and new medical understandings of alcohol use.
Suffice it to say that the world has changed for women, even more dramatically than it has for men, and AA has done little to adapt. Most damaging, perhaps is that central message, which can seem fundamentally at odds with feminist ideology: that the addict is powerless, with no ability to control her condition.
“We spend all this time telling women today, ‘You can do this, and you can do this, and you can do this. You have the power and the capability,’” said journalist Gabrielle Glaser, who wrote a recent story in The Atlantic, The Irrationality of Alcoholics Anonymous.
The AA message, she says, and its focus on powerlessness over alcohol, “is exactly the opposite message of everything we want young women to believe.”
A Man’s Program In a Man’s World

In North America, Alcoholics Anonymous, with its 12-step abstinence-only prescription, is overwhelmingly the dominant approach to problem drinking. And it’s indisputable that the program has helped significant numbers of people.
Today, about 1.4 million people are members of more than 65,000 groups that meet all around the U.S. and Canada, in cities and small towns, suburban rec centers and rural churches.
Alcoholics Anonymous was founded in the 1930s by a former stockbroker named Bill Wilson who had no medical training, but a devastating history as a “chronic drunkard.”
Wilson had experienced a powerful spiritual awakening while hospitalized for his drinking. Soon afterward, he became a follower of the Oxford Group, a Christian movement founded in England whose tenets included the notion that all people are sinners, that sinners can change, and that confession is necessary for change.
With a doctor and fellow alcoholic named Robert Smith, he founded a support group whose tenets were remarkably similar to the Oxford Group’s. A few years later, the now-famous “12 steps” to recovery were formalized, and the group’s methods and orthodoxy began to spread.
As Glaser recounts in her 2013 book Her Best-Kept Secret: Why Women Drink — and How They Can Regain Control, the early AA community was an unfriendly place for women. The group’s first guidebook was tailored to men, with a chapter titled “To Wives” that suggested women were likelier to be married to alcoholics than to have a problem themselves.
Women who did show signs of alcoholism were suspected of being promiscuous, a threat to male members and their marriages. As late as 1959, some chapters refused to allow women to attend meetings. As one prominent early female member and leader put it, “This was a man’s problem and AA was a man’s program and this was a man’s world.”
Today, no one claims that women who drink too much are morally inferior to their male peers, and women are welcome at AA meetings. But some critics argue AA’s approach is not as helpful for women as it is for men, generally speaking.
For starters, the emphasis on “powerlessness” ignores the fact that many women who struggle with drinking aren’t necessarily addicted to alcohol, but instead are using it to mask and cope with underlying issues such as anxiety and depression.
“Women drink to medicate their negative feelings away — the negative feelings of anxiety and the sad feelings of depression,” said Glaser, pointing out that women are significantly likelier than men to be diagnosed with both disorders.
“To go to a place where the program tells you you’re powerless over something … it just doesn’t make sense.” If anything, women tend to be experts to a fault when it comes to acknowledging their weaknesses.
Rethinking Alcoholism

Not only does the abstinence model promote a strict definition of “sobriety,” there’s also the question of whether problem drinking is properly understood as a “disease” in the way AA and others describe it.
The American Medical Association calls it an “illness.” But the DSM-5, the definitive diagnostic manual issued by the American Psychiatric Association, identifies alcohol use disorder along a spectrum, indicating that “alcoholic” is not a simple yes-or-no diagnosis.
Even the term “alcoholism,” so widely used in pop culture, has not been used by serious researchers for decades. Following the DSM’s lead, they use more precise terms like “alcohol abuse” and “alcohol dependence.” But the popular notion that if you drink too much, you have an incurable disease is not just scary and stigmatizing, it also implies that no sufferer has the power to heal themselves.

The public information coordinator at AA’s General Service Office wrote in an email: “As a non-professional organization of alcoholics helping alcoholics through sharing our personal experience with each other, we are not qualified to speak on matters of scientific or medical research regarding the effectiveness of our approach.” He emphasized that while AA cooperates with treatment professionals, it does not own or operate treatment facilities.

“It’s hijacked the language, where sobriety means a certain thing: It means you don’t drink anymore,” Glaser said. She mentioned a woman she interviewed who is a member of a program called HAMS (Harm reduction, Abstinence, and Moderation Support), who at one point was drinking a bottle and a half of wine every night, but who now drinks only in moderation. “That’s exactly what I would call ‘sober,’” Glaser said. By AA’s definition, though, she is anything but.

It is true that chronic and severe overdrinkers typically have chemical dependencies on alcohol. For that group, lifelong abstinence may be the only reasonable goal. But they do not represent the majority of those who drink too much: the stay-at-home mother who finds herself pouring her first glass of pinot grigio a little earlier every day, or the professional who can’t seem to stop at one cocktail at work events.

Dr. Mark Willenbring, former director of the Division of Treatment and Recovery Research of the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism at the NIH, points to a 2007 study that found that more than 70 percent of those who have a period of alcohol dependence have just a single period that lasts less than five years — and then never recurs.

“AA was founded by people whose lives had just been completely exploded by their drinking,” he said. “But most people who develop an alcohol-use disorder never explode their lives because of it.”

That’s why it’s a problem that the AA paradigm is the only one many people know. Willenbring points out that AA members are predominantly the “sickest 10 percent” of people with alcohol-use disorder. “We’ve really focused exclusively all of our attention on the most severe 10 percent,” he said. “They don’t represent the broad group of people who struggle with drinking.”

Framing the discussion in such a binary way (“You’re an alcoholic or you’re not”) means that some people whose lives could be improved by moderating their alcohol intake don’t get the help they need. And the sheer dominance of AA may lead people to believe that there is no other way.

Support Without The Stigma

Many women face this dilemma, wanting to reduce alcohol consumption without placing severe limits or labels on themselves.

It took years for Jenny (not her real name) to discover there was a “middle way” between total, eternal abstinence and the discomforting lack of control she was experiencing. For her, it was a program called Moderation Management, which emphasizes personal responsibility and balance.

Similar programs have varying guidelines, but what unites them is that they give people the tools to cut down and take control, without telling them they are hopelessly in the grip of a disease and that they must abstain forever to recover.

Moderation Management, a support group founded in 1994, believes “self-esteem and self-management are essential to recovery.” It distinguishes between “problem drinkers” and alcoholics, and encourages its adherents to set their own drinking goals. (Moderation Management has its own troublesome history: Its founder ultimately rejected her own method, turned to AA, and then caused a drunken driving crash that killed two people.)

HAMS, a New York-based group that functions primarily online, offers support for “anyone who wants to change their drinking habits for the better.” HAMS uses the “harm reduction” model, a philosophy in public health that focuses on reducing the risks of overdrinking, much like condoms reduce the risks of sex.

Rather than push adherents to abstain, it asks them to identify the negative consequences of their drinking (like risky sex) and come up with a plan to avoid them (like always carrying condoms). Willenbring now runs a treatment facility in Minneapolis that offers help to a much broader spectrum of people with alcohol and other substance abuse disorders. And some doctors prescribe an “opioid antagonist” called naltrexone that has been shown to reduce heavy drinking simply by decreasing cravings.

It’s hard to find reliable success-rate comparisons for these approaches, but with AA’s long-term success rate between 5 and 10 percent, who could argue against making alternatives more widely available? Meanwhile, these non-abstinence approaches are earning plenty of fans, particularly among women. One 2004 survey found that 66 percent of participants in Moderation Management were female, double the percentage in AA.

Brooke, who works in telecommunications in Atlanta and has a part-time job in the restaurant industry, attends occasional AA meetings just to listen in. “As far as being an honest person, trying not to lie and not to be selfish, those principles helped me to become a better person,” she said.

But she wasn’t physically addicted to alcohol, and AA made her feel guilty every time she had a drink, even though she wasn’t convinced she needed to quit cold turkey. She has made more meaningful progress to take control of her own drinking by taking Wellbutrin, starting cognitive behavioral therapy, and connecting online with Moderation Management.

These days, her goal is to drink no more than about 12 drinks a week, no more than four a day. (Moderation Management suggests no more than three a day for women, but Brooke says “it’s a struggle at times.”) She tries to abstain completely for four days a week.

And it’s not just about counting drinks; it’s also important to her to feel good about her behavior while she’s drinking. That means no severe misbehavior, like driving under the influence, but also no acting “obnoxious or bitchy.”

Jenny, who is now in her 50s and working in the arts, leads a Moderation Management group for women in New York, where members gather to share their stories and support each other’s goals.

Last year, she started seeing a new therapist. Within a week, she was able to cut down to just one drink a day. (In the beginning, Jenny’s therapist discounted her bill if she stuck to her intake goals.)

Lately she has been having as few as two or three drinks a week, using concrete tools like delaying her first drink until later in the evening, eating first, arriving late to parties, and pouring the rest of a bottle of wine down the drain if she’s home alone.

Donna Dierker, who lives in the St. Louis area, decided she wanted help getting her drinking under control the year she turned 40. But the “steps” in AA just didn’t resonate with her and she didn’t identify as an alcoholic. After seeing an article in the local newspaper on Moderation Management, she reached out to the organization, and got involved.

Today, Dierker helps keep herself in check by abstaining completely every January, April, and either August or September. She enjoys those months because she concentrates better and eats more healthfully, and the abstinence serves as a “reset” to her tolerance level. But she also enjoys the taste of wine and beer, and the social aspects of drinking.
For drinkers like Donna, Jenny, and Brooke, aiming for moderation is empowering. Every year Dierker hosts a tasting party with friends, where they sample two-ounce servings of unfamiliar varietals and discuss them. Plus, she said, “Dry red wine makes lasagna taste better.”

10 Responses to “Moderation Management”

  1. jmcraig2014 September 15, 2015 at 12:33 am #

    I guess people have to find what works best for them. Although I don’t attend AA, abstaining works for me.

  2. primrose September 15, 2015 at 5:33 am #

    reading this made me feel exhausted, sad, and, as you said, angry.

    to be honest, this article sounds as if it could have been written in 1979. it pre-supposes the need for alcohol in a person’s life, which is just NOT true.

    if it had been written about cigarettes, would it have been taken seriously? then again 5 cigarettes a day is better than 20 a day, and also better than no cigarettes for 11 days and then 60 on one day, given the mental anguish such a process involves.

    it is all circular – if one can ‘learn’ to moderate then perhaps one doesn’t ‘need’ to completely abstain. however, complete abstention is utterly freeing and means I can pretty much entirely stop feeling the urge to drink, thus removing the problem completely! if I can do the latter, why stay stuck in the former?

    if you want a more uplifting approach to alcoholism here’s an article I’ve linked to before on my blog, in case you haven’t seen it – and by the way I hope it doesn’t rub your AA feathers up the wrong way, as I entirely respect and admire your involvement in that organisation and wouldn’t want you any other way! mmwwwaaah darling! xxx

    • FitFatFood September 15, 2015 at 8:02 am #

      This is an absolutely brilliant article.

      And it doesn’t rub my AA feathers up the wrong way at all; I have trouble with the label myself and what I like most about AA is its spirituality and programme which encourages you to be a better human, but the aspects I struggle with are about the labels it gives; our “character defects” that are inherent to alcoholism.

      I love this article in so many ways and will continue to find wisdom in it, but this rang particularly true this morning:

      “I just firmly believe that we’ve created a separate disease called alcoholism and forced it upon the minority of the population willing to admit they cannot control their drinking. That instead of looking at how insane it is to consume the amounts of alcohol we do in this country on any level, we’ve instead systematically labeled anyone who can’t hang in that insanity as having the problem.”

      • Annie September 19, 2015 at 8:51 pm #

        The hip sobriety article from Prim’s link completely saved me tonight, when I was tempted to drink. Annie x

  3. ainsobriety September 15, 2015 at 5:10 pm #

    I love the Holly article
    I go to AA. My general complaint is that it is a bit too fear based, but I love the connections there.

    Moderation seems like such a crappy road to me. No escape of excessive drinking and no relief and clarity of sobriety.

    It hold no interest for me.

    I do think we need a new group or a new philosophy of AA that speaks to those on their way to problem drinking and scared of quitting. But abstaining because it improves life would be the choice.

    • FitFatFood September 15, 2015 at 10:24 pm #

      That’s exactly it- the painful circle of moderation was rubbbbish. In abstinence I gain freedom.

  4. Vodka Goggles September 18, 2015 at 6:46 pm #

    On one hand, I haven’t attended an AA meeting because I cannot identify with working the steps. It’s also mostly male dominant in my area and I feel uncomfortable. I know AA is successful as my step-dad leads a couple of groups with 36 years of sobriety. He also believes the only way anyone who is a true alcoholic can get sober is to attend AA.

    This article is almost an excuse for people to continue to drink or restart. I personally don’t see how 4 drinks a day is productive or three for that matter. So I guess this article succeeded in making me angry.

  5. Carrie September 19, 2015 at 4:52 pm #

    am so sorry to hear that you are feeling so overwhelmed. It sure sounds like your life at the moment would be enough to test anyone and have them seeking out their best coping strategy!
    It’s a bugger that we can’t just let off steam in the pub, but we know that doesn’t really help anyway 😉
    Try not to see your self care as the enemy or the bottom of the barrel that we only give into in times of desperation…it’s a good thing to look inwardly from time to time and see what needs you have that are being neglected. It’s just that we always like to punish ourselves until we can take no more. Treat yourself to the things that you know will make you feel better. Writing (you are so good at it and we’d all love to read more!), treats, relaxation, being with other sober people who know what a trooper you are for coming this far…these are all good things. And they will make you feel more balanced.
    Thrilled to hear you have a new guy! Don’t go changin’ for anyone. Be yourself. You are wonderful, those other guys just didn’t see it or deserve you.
    Hope you feel better soon.

  6. Annie September 19, 2015 at 8:49 pm #

    This article made me feel so depressed – but thank you for posting it, as I needed it to jolt me out of this evening’s feeling that I could drink. I can’t, and I won’t – not today. Annie x

  7. Lisa Neumann October 1, 2015 at 4:12 pm #

    For me, the assumption is that you’ve already tried to moderate by the time you show up at the town hall meeting.

    Geez … It’s not like I over drank once or twice and then went to a 12-step meeting.
    I mean really, really …. Does someone need to introduce moderation to a grow adult? It’s almost laughable.

    There is so much joy in an unaltered life style. AND there are so many paths to sober that do not include 12-step.

    Find a way or find an excuse. I’ll be here enjoying the clean recovered life while you figure it out.

    Love you darling. Lis

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

The Art of Keeping Going

A blog that's mostly about not drinking.


Starting a life of sobriety and freedom.

waking up, being sober

and trying to make sense of what follows


I got sober. Life got big.

Hungry Girl Eats

Notes on the care and feeding of body, mind and spirit.


The Erotic Art of Sensual Domination


Author. Yogi. Sun-chaser. Mental health awareness-raiser.

800 Recovery Hub Blog

Written by people in recovery for people in recovery


Trying to ace sober living

tired of treading water

Ditching the drink and waking up

Shadow. Ash. Spirit. Flame.

Out of Shadow and Ash, Spirit ascends and blazes Light.

The drinking Stops Today

My attempt to quit drinking....

A Dappled Path

Kicking the bottle

Good Morning Mercies

Seeking beauty and balance overcoming chronic illness and addictions

We Admitted We Were Powerless

A journey of recovery

Mind-Full Mom-E

Being sober & clear headed with a mind that is full!

12 the hard way

ruminations on the twelve steps.

Recovering From Powerlessness

A journey of recovery from everything

nomorewine's Blog

The greatest site in all the land!

Ditch The Grog Blog

A Quest to Sobriety!

Lucy's New Life

Goodbye booze. Hello clarity, health and happiness.

The Adventures of a Sober Señorita

Follow me as I live la vida loca (but sober)

The Six Year Hangover


And Everything Afterwards

How I quit alcohol and discovered the beauty of a sober life

Just A Rock

The trials of a young woman awkwardly trudging her way to happy destiny

Life Unbuzzed

Rowing my sober boat gently down the stream

Alcoholics NON Anonymous

Step 1: POWERLESSNESS is not real.

Living Free

A fine site


lettuce turnip the beet.

Seeing Clear Lee

musings on becoming alcohol-free

Vodka Goggles

No longer seeing the world through vodka colored glasses..

Recovering Life

Age and alcoholism


My blog to help me stop drinking.

Kind Copy

Better writing attracts better clients

No Shame in Asking

A Memoir of Sober Living


90 days sober, a look at the problem of drinking

%d bloggers like this: