Treading water

29 Nov

I only appear to surface here when I’m struggling, it seems. I’m sorry for that. For my love of writing, for my sanity and for the effect sharing has on others.

I wanted to post today because I’m experiencing a period of mental darkness that’s manifesting itself in physically feeling down and being plagued with ailments, and practically manifesting itself by stopping me doing the things I know make me feel better: going to meetings, getting up and running, doing something of service.

This morning, I’m encompassed by inertia. I feel tired and low and incapable of making a coherent decision. Yesterday I was full of joy. The day before I was low. And the day before that, and the day before that.

What’s going on? What can I do to stop a downward spiral?

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14 Responses to “Treading water”

  1. lucy2610 November 29, 2015 at 12:25 pm #

    Hello lovely 🙂 As the ever pragmatic nurse I have to ask if it’s been going on for longer than a week have you considered a trip to the GP? There may be an underlying ailment or maybe you need additional support to get you through this time. Take care of you xx

  2. Annie November 29, 2015 at 12:58 pm #

    You’re a major sober warrior, and I’m so far behind you, I don’t feel very well equipped to advise you. But what Lucy says above sounds sensible and worth looking into. Thank you for helping me. Many many months ago, you kindly said that you would take me to a meeting, and it was after that idea that I decided to take the plunge and go to a local one. Annie x

    • FitFatFood November 29, 2015 at 1:02 pm #

      What’s your email? I was thinking last night if you need a temporary phone sponsor until you find a local in person one I can help x x x x

  3. getupflyaway November 29, 2015 at 1:31 pm #

    As a vet of many ‘treading water’ episodes myself –

    1) Get out of the house go to a yoga class or 12 step meeting.
    2) Remember and practice self compassion.
    3) Call someone you think may be hurting or lonely and just listen with empathy. Keep calling others until you reach someone.
    4) Try to take a cat nap later and make yourself go for a run; let the endorphins do their work.
    5) This state or feeling is temporary so ride it out like a surfer.
    6) You are like me followed your blog for awhile but try not to over eat but if you do – don’t beat yourself up.
    7) Like Anne you and your blog has helped out in the last year or more so thank you!

  4. clairerich2015 November 29, 2015 at 1:38 pm #

    In addition to what Lucy said, I can only speak from personal experience and what worked for me. They sort of contradict but hear me out. First bit is basic self-care of just eating well; cutboutbthe junk as eating it has the double whammy of adversely affecting you physically and emotionally/mentally (think the guilt of having a sugar binge then getting a case of the fuck – it’s and throwing in the towel and just continuing on the downward spiral of eating more shit because it makes you feel good in the moment and the poo again with the guilt etc etc). The second bit is to just do something small. Get out the house and go to a cafe for some pasta or some cake and take a book with you. Or a 20 minute walk outside. Sit on a bench and just allow yourself to feel crap. It’s ok- it’s gonna pass. You’ll need to force yourself to leave the house which is why it’s important to just set small goals like these. I know it seems pointless, even when you get back home you’ll feel like this, but trust me that a few months down the line you’ll realise how much these small things added up to make a big difference. Exercise is something to build up to. Make sure to be kind to yourself when you don’t go – you’re going through a tough time right now so leave those high expectations you have of yourself for another time. When you feel like going for a run, then just do it. Get your trainers and leggings on and get out there. Don’t ponder it- just do it and then congratulate yourself for pushing yourself to do this when you’re feeling like utter crap. That’s a big deal so give yourself credit. This is temporary; feelings are transient, I once read, and I can testify to this. Allow the low feelings in and they’ll dissipate far quicker than if you fight them. Sending lots of love and positive vibes your way, hun xxx

  5. clairerich2015 November 29, 2015 at 1:38 pm #

    *cut out the junk

  6. primrose November 29, 2015 at 1:48 pm #

    Hey hon – nice to see you and sorry you’re at a low ebb. I’d add to the great advice above to say if you can get out into daylight as much as possible I find that always always helps me. Have a huge hug and remember as above never to take a permanent decision based on a temporary emotion xxxx

  7. momma bee November 29, 2015 at 3:06 pm #

    I agree with so many above~ force yourself to go do a long walk, a meeting & healthy food. Too many ups & downs~ I would see the GP too. I know for me I needed something to help me mentally~ to keep my moods level. Really helped me~

    Hope your feeling better soon!
    Hugs!

  8. ainsobriety November 29, 2015 at 3:34 pm #

    Have you read my last few posts?
    I have been exactly where you are.

    See your doctor. Start taking vitamin d. Lots of vitamin d. Get a happy light,

    Those are the simple action.
    The hard one is knowing this is not happening because of anything you are or are not doing. Depression is not a failure. It is a chemical imbalance.
    Writing about my condition really helped me. Hopefully posting this has helped you a bit.
    You are doing nothing wrong. We all love and support you and are here holding your hand. Take all measures to protect yourself. Tell your family and friends that you need them.

    This moment is not all moments. This darkness will pass. I know how hard that is to believe. Hug.

    Anne

    • FitFatFood November 29, 2015 at 3:36 pm #

      Thank you- I haven’t been around the blogs apart from Annie’s. I will read your posts c x x x x x x x x x

      • ainsobriety November 29, 2015 at 3:36 pm #

        Do. I think it might sound familiar…

  9. thirstystill November 29, 2015 at 5:15 pm #

    I’m so sorry to hear you’re feeling crappy. I get knocked on my ass with some terrific depression episodes too at times. Without knowing what came before this, it’s hard to know what would help. For me, I know if I let myself get too busy for too long without doing enough of the quieter part of self care, then I burn out and end up just as you describe. So I like Claire’s suggestions of setting tiny out-of-house things for yourself to do, and doing them slowly. I have had to shift from running or cycling to walking during some of my low times. And then I do need to sleep more, so I really can’t do as much as I usually do. When that happens, though, taking all those smaller walks, which sometimes are just a few minutes walking and a few minutes sitting somewhere pretty and peaceful, it all helps get me back on track again.

    Take good care of yourself. It’s tough to feel low. Sending hugs across the water! xo

  10. Rebecca A. Watson November 30, 2015 at 12:00 pm #

    Uggggh I’m so so sorry to hear you’re dealing with this stuff. It’s really hard to handle some days. I totally get it. I think everyone has some really good suggestions. I don’t have much more to offer in terms of advice/ideas but I just wanted to tell you I have been there and I am sending you energy. I guess just remember:

    –Be nice to yourself.
    –Small steps … no grand plans or giant to-do lists if you can help it
    –Oh, and maybe consider lighting a candle while you read or whatever. It really can make a world of difference in this dark time of year.

  11. Lisa Neumann December 15, 2015 at 5:05 pm #

    Hey you, you feeling better yet? You’ve been on my mind. Sending love, love, love, open up your receivers. ♥♥♥ Lisa

    Come find me if you need a source for talking. Lisa

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