Trusting the Universe

3 Feb

Since day 1 of recovery, I’ve been really attracted to the notion of a Higher Power and a Higher Plan. This does take the form of some sort of “God” for me, a notion that I know a lot of people struggle with. Mine is a God separate from the doctrine of any one religion, that operates on a few key principles: there is a force greater than little me and it has a divine plan I cannot yet see.

It dictates: be kind, try hard to act as you should, forgive yourself for being human when you err, give thanks, trust that everything will be ok. I have your back, says my HP.

Most of the time, I find this belief hugely comforting and it really helps me to feel my life is infused with a spirituality that is absolutely essential to my sobriety. Drinking was one means of easing my spiritual discomfort and through connecting with spirituality through prayer, gratitude, yoga, nature and running, I generally feel great.

Except.

Except when i am in a situation where I’m not in control. Where I’m praying for the universe to give me something and I have to sit tight and wait for what it shall offer. I don’t like that. I like it when I can feel the divine wheels in motion in a positive direction or when I can gaze back over something that has happened to me with the superior vantage point that is retrospect, and make sense of “the plan.”

I’m experiencing a huge period of discomfort and no amount of prayer, meditation and yoga seem to be helping. I’m trying to battle the universe by agonising over what my self-will wants. Which is completely fruitless, and yet I can’t help myself.

Dear readers, do you have any tips for handling uncertainty and managing desire? It’s an area I haven’t really truly tested in sobriety yet. I know that if the thing I want doesn’t happen it’s meant to be IN THEORY, but in practice I am in daily agony as I wait.

All wisdom and experience gratefully received 🙂

Yours,

FFF x

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17 Responses to “Trusting the Universe”

  1. lucy2610 February 3, 2016 at 2:36 pm #

    Oh I hear ya FFF! So easy to say but so hard to do – but I work on being NATO: not attached to the outcome (while secretly chanting what’s meant for you won’t pass you by) 😉 xx

  2. clearlee February 3, 2016 at 3:15 pm #

    That’s a tough one! I wish I had some advice but I usually just ungracefully fumble through those situations. It sounds like you’re doing all the right things… So maybe just keep doing them?
    Something I try to remind myself of is to be okay with the not knowing. Try to accept that uncomfortableness and meet it with kindness. Easier said than done, for sure, but still a good practice. Best wishes!

  3. thirstystill February 3, 2016 at 5:11 pm #

    That is a tough one. And you do sound like you’re doing the right things. I’m in a similar situation, and what I’m doing is this: I sit quietly and imagine each outcome, not just hearing the big yes or no, but imagining what my life will be like afterwards. That helps me accept that I can live with either outcome. I still really want one outcome, but I think I can live with the decision that’s made, and I now know some things I will do to help cope with the disappointment that might come. It’s kind of like setting a plan in place for each alternative, and having a plan often helps keep me grounded. I hope that makes sense!

    I also like what Clearlee says about meeting uncertainty and uncomfortableness with kindness. I also have to meet it with exercise, as it makes me so anxious! Take care, and best of luck with this. xo

    • FitFatFood February 6, 2016 at 8:31 am #

      “I can live with either outcome” is SO true. Wise wise words! Thank tou

  4. Debbie February 3, 2016 at 5:12 pm #

    Hi, Sounds like you’re ‘braving through’ a period of discomfort where you’re trying to create your desires into physical reality. I think periods of directed motion are okay. We are like little row boats flowing down a river of spirituality. The spirituality flows and we go with the direction of the flow, but sometimes we need to use our oars to avoid hitting a river bank, or a rock, or avoid a little patch of whitewater. Maybe you’re just adding a little needed direction to the flow. We do have some responsibility to help the universe navigate our path! But you are inspirational to me – 3 days sober. Thank you!!

    • FitFatFood February 3, 2016 at 9:52 pm #

      3 days sober and this wisdom!!!!!! Amazing.

      You have really helped me with this comment see things in a new light. Thank you. And good luck!

  5. ainsobriety February 3, 2016 at 8:06 pm #

    I try to practice mindfullness. What am I doing RIGHT NOW.
    Dwelling in the past or projecting the future only shake my peace of mind.

    If I’ve done my part (ie, applied for the job, etc) I try to keep pulling back to now.

    Now I am happy, healthy and ok. What happens next will take care of itself.

    • FitFatFood February 6, 2016 at 8:31 am #

      I had an interesting experience where I was trying to do the above and on paper I was, but deep down I was consumed by The Fear. Chipping away at the practical steps that can help over a week or so has finally worked. Thank you for the reminder of how to chip away 🙂

  6. carrieonsober February 3, 2016 at 10:32 pm #

    Stay here as Belle says. Such great advice.
    The problem with us control lovers, is that we constantly want to rush ahead to the outcome because we know that we can fix whatever happens…we always do!
    But the waiting, the Unknown, that makes us super uncomfortable – and its that control Wolfe that is in your ear telling you not to wait/believe/trust in yourself and the Universe.
    It’s not you at all…take a breath and remember it’s not you…its Wolfe. Then tell him to fuck off 🙂
    Hugs C x

    • FitFatFood February 6, 2016 at 8:30 am #

      Hahaha always with the good advice C! I had genuinely forgotten about “the wolfie voice” (somehow!). Thankyou for reminding me of his idiotic ways x

  7. primrose February 4, 2016 at 6:37 am #

    I am going to give you back some wise words of your own which have helped me so many times in the last couple of years… You said to me once that when we are going through a rough patch it means that there are calmer waters up ahead. Which helps me so much – previously I had believed that things would just keep getting worse and worse until I exploded, or something… This is a version perhaps of ‘This, too, shall pass.’ As all things will, good or bad…. Hang in there sweetie and masses of love from me! Xxx

    • FitFatFood February 6, 2016 at 8:29 am #

      Thank you. It came true! Sort of. I’m feeling much calmer anyway….

      • primrose February 10, 2016 at 7:22 am #

        Good to hear and so pleased you are feeling calmer.

        Surfing this life sober can be challenging, and it is sometimes important to sit on the beach watching the waves and eating an icecream 😉

        huge hugs to you, my dear! Xxx

  8. Marian February 8, 2016 at 6:37 pm #

    Dear FFF. I have been reading your blog for over a year now hoping that I could find the strength and drive to achieve what you have gained on your incredible journey. When I have regularly woken up at 4.30a.m., and felt so sad, ashamed and bewildered as to why I do what I do with alcohol I have prayed for help for strength and courage to change. It is only in the last few days that I realised that answers have been laid before me in a subtle way, not in the instantaneous flash of healing that I so wanted. This has lead me to take today Chinese New Year as my first day toward getting back who I really am. Apparently in the Chinese Horoscope I am a Tiger, not the scared, fearful, low esteemed mouse of a me that I have been for so very long.

    I want to thank you for your honesty and help to others and wish to say that your brave path to now shows that you will be fine in getting through this patch, your spirituality shines through your words. Light and Love.

    Marian

    • FitFatFood February 8, 2016 at 9:32 pm #

      What an amazing post Marian. Your own strength and courage shines through your words. Alcohol is a cunning wolf but you are a tiger. You have asked the universe and it has answered. Keep listening for the subtle signs. I’m walking right beside you x

      • Marian February 10, 2016 at 4:41 pm #

        Thank you so much. I will use the thought of us walking together when I start to ‘wobble’, which, of course, has already happened.
        Marian x

      • FitFatFood February 10, 2016 at 4:43 pm #

        Side by side.

        I remember loving the image of Weebles when I was in early sobriety- “Weebles wobble but they don’t fall over”

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