Sober Goggles

28 Feb

Here’s the thing about sobriety: you see things so much more clearly.

This generally means my experience of being sober has made the big stuff easier: making decisions, making commitments, listening to my gut feeling and following it. Except I’ve noticed something recently; whilst sobriety affords a certain amount of clarity, I still have to deal with the confusing head and heart dialogue that makes life feel very difficult at times. 

I find that being an alcoholic gives me a base level of crazy that I have to manage. Throw on top of that romantic relationships, work stress and uncertainty and a nagging feeling that the decisions I make now will affect the rest of my life in a very big way, it makes for a really uncomfortable period. I can’t tell what’s a sensible gut instinct, and what’s The Crazy coming through. What is a genuine doubt about a relationship and what is me being ruled by fear and a desire for the thrill of dating rather than committing to one person? 

Before i got sober, I was addicted to drama. I wanted the chaos of something terrible or exciting going on all the time. Since I stopped drinking, that desire has largely subsided, but for whatever reason, it feels like it’s back with a vengeance.

One thing I’m seeing as a common theme in my problems is my lack of patience. How can you work out what is best for you if you constantly want the outcome/solution NOW. Patience isn’t a quality I realised I was lacking until recently, and I don’t quite know how to develop it. Because my nature is to think an issue to death until I take action to resolve it, or push for the outcome I (think I) want, I appear incapable of just letting things unfold, seeing how they develop. I speak on here sometimes about trusting the universe. I believe wholeheartedly in this and yet, I don’t FEEL it currently. I want to force the universe to tell me what the f**k will happen, thank you very much.

Patience is a virtue, and I need to develop it sharpish..!

Happy Sunday x

10 Responses to “Sober Goggles”

  1. primrose February 28, 2016 at 7:58 am #

    ‘need to develop it sharpish’ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚

    there’s an expression that we need to think with our heads and feel with our hearts – it’s when we try to think with our hearts and feel with our heads we get ourselves into a pickle!

    we are all a leetle bit crazy, I think, boozers or not. embrace the crazy maybe?! it’s what makes us awesome! love to you crazy friend! xxx

    • FitFatFood February 28, 2016 at 8:00 am #

      Haha, the irony of that particular sentence was not lost on me ๐Ÿ˜‰

      I can’t separate head and heart for now, but will try ๐Ÿ™‚ and embracing the crazy might get me into all sorts of scrapes but I think I need to try!

      • primrose February 28, 2016 at 8:24 am #

        Nothing you can’t handle sober! Xx

  2. lucy2610 February 28, 2016 at 11:39 am #

    *raises hand* you could have written that post for me today lovely. I just went for a run and that helped a great deal ๐Ÿ™‚ xx

  3. ainsobriety February 28, 2016 at 3:56 pm #

    So familiar. That is where my word of the year comes from. Faith – belief in myself.

    As for patience, I can only strongly encourage yin yoga. It is the ideal place to develop patience and stillness, and it opens the hips and spine, which is an awesome added bonus.

    I have stopped to honestly ask myself why I want to rock my own boat. What do I feel is lacking in contentment. That desire for external approval or admiration stays strong. It’s sneaky.

    So what makes you love yourself more. From there, anything is doable.


  4. Sarah February 29, 2016 at 11:18 am #

    Loved this post.

    ‘I can’t tell what’s a sensible gut instinct, and what’s The Crazy coming through’ particularly reasonated with me. Oh yep! Know that well!

    Good luck with that patience thing ๐Ÿ˜‰

  5. B February 29, 2016 at 2:58 pm #

    Oh my goodness I can so relate to this! I am new to all of this sobriety stuff (today is day 14, woot woot!) but I definitely know the need for instant gratification and the “need” for drama. I don’t think I really -wanted- drama as much as just needing it to feel something particular. I do know that I’ve always felt some time of way about not “doing” things. I always have to be doing and not just waiting to see what comes along. I’ve messed up a lot of things in my life due to “doing” when I should have been “waiting”. I am learning a lot so far by being sober and hope that I can continue to grow in these areas that have been stunted so long from binge drinking!! Thank you! ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. gfrannypants February 29, 2016 at 6:41 pm #

    I am literally the least patient person on the planet. If you figure out how to acquire patience, please publicize it/bottle it and sell it, because I would buy that. It bears saying that I am MUCH more patient now that I’m sober. And quitting coffee seems to help- although that could be attributed to just being generally zoned out much of the time (which isn’t really “patience”, it’s just “too tired to get worked up”).

  7. Leslie March 4, 2016 at 1:44 pm #

    “I find that being an alcoholic gives me a base level of crazy I have to manage.” This is why I love this blog; it speaks for my experience so clearly. I think this one sentence sums up my whole experience of being an alcoholic (who is also addicted to food) and sums up what I have been learning to manage for the almost two years of being sober. There is comfort in recognizing the crazy and realizing that yes, you do have to deal with it every day. And that is OK. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, they speak to me very strongly.

    • FitFatFood March 4, 2016 at 2:16 pm #

      I’m so pleased Leslie- it’s so good we’re not alone in this madness! ๐Ÿ™‚

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