Where I’m At

29 Oct

I rarely log into WordPress these days, but there’s something about Autumn that makes me recall the struggles of 2013, my last few months drinking, where this blog was the source of so much support and insight and helpful reflection.

Now, 4 years on, life could not be better. I have no desire to drink. My sugar addiction magically melted away at some point I can’t recall. My life is abundant and full of love, joy and opportunities. I never believed it could be this way, but it is.

I knew life would be better without alcohol. But looking back, my sense of what it would look like was blinkered. I imagined life would feel easier. But I never knew it would feel magical. I never knew that pain could dissolve into joy and ease.

There have been so many difficult times in sobriety, but this is how I see them now: they’re part of my humaness. I experience the bad and good as equally valid experiences, and can manage to do so without a substance.

I suppose I wanted to pop in here with this message of hope. If you’re drinking and want to stop, just keep at it. Sobriety, as my journey demonstrates, doesn’t happen just like that. It’s a process of committing and coming back to trying again and again, even when you fall. It’s a process of seeking help, and staying close to those who offer their kindness.  It’s a process of saying out loud, over and over, to the universe: ‘please help me.’ It’s about trying to go to a meeting. Remaining open to what you might hear in those rooms. It’s about knowing that there’s a place inside you that is always ok, and remembering that you’re pouring alcohol on top of it, but that it will always be there for you when the booze is gone.

Sending love and light to you on this Autumn Sunday. Keep on keeping on x x x

12 Responses to “Where I’m At”

  1. ainsobriety October 30, 2017 at 12:28 am #

    It’s always great to hear from people who have been writing as long as I have.
    I second everything you wrote here.
    The ability to access that inner joy is the result of willing and hard work. But it is so worth it!
    Take care of yourself. You always have support here!
    Stillness and peace

    • FitFatFood October 30, 2017 at 7:08 am #

      Thanks Anne- lots of love to you x x x

  2. Shame Doesn't Define Me October 30, 2017 at 1:32 am #

    Glad to see you check back in here. Sobriety does reveal some pretty amazing gifts. I’m coming up in four years as well (Nov 7) and I honestly had no idea how good life could be. I’ve learned so much and it’s hard to believe there’s more in me to learn! Having joy in each day no matter how small is still joy. I’ll keep on keeping on. 😉

  3. feelingmywaybackintolife October 30, 2017 at 7:39 am #

    I am happy for you! 🙂
    I am currently stuck in the struggling part of sobriety but realising this struggle and how I work myself out of it is also part of sobriety. It is about un-addicting. Unlearning the ways we walked because of addiction.
    Thank you for your message of hope. 🙂
    xx, Feeling

    • FitFatFood November 1, 2017 at 8:22 am #

      I really think you’ve hit the nail on the head here. Without the struggle I wouldn’t have known how seriously I had to take it, and how much I wanted sobriety.

      I wish you all the strength and conviction to keep putting one foot in front of the other x x x x x x

  4. lucy2610 October 30, 2017 at 7:47 pm #

    Lovely FFF just lovely 🙂 Happy 4th year to you my dear and wishes for continued joy and ease xx

  5. Lisa Neumann November 1, 2017 at 9:21 pm #

    Beauty…. My how time flies. So very happy to see your post. Sending love. And more fertilizer to help you grow. 🌱

    • FitFatFood November 1, 2017 at 11:02 pm #

      Just a blink of an eye ago you were soothing me and giving me a gentle push. Thank you. Always.

  6. Sober Again December 6, 2017 at 4:27 am #

    Glad to see this! I have been following you since 2013 and thanks for the inspiration / roll modeling.

    • FitFatFood December 10, 2017 at 1:50 pm #

      So lovely to receive this comment. Thank you.

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