Today I told another close friend I’m in AA.
That makes 3 in total, all from very different friendship groups. My main motivation for doing it is so that slowly, within all corners of my social circle I have someone who will look out for me and fight me away from a glass of wine if I try and have one.
The friend I told struggled with a drug problem for a long time, so I knew he’d understand the complex nature of addiction we’re battling. He quit on his own, and it was a difficult journey. I met him after he quit so have never seen him when under the influence, but know how important a life change it was for him.
When I tell people, it’s so interesting seeing their reactions. They’re nothing like I assumed. In their eyes I don’t see judgement, but admiration. Everyone has used the word ‘brave.’
It’s funny, how it takes other people to validate an idea for me. I suppose it is brave, going to AA, talking to people about my problem, remaining determined to tackle it, but I don’t always see it that way. At first, I saw it as a moral failure I had to be ashamed of, somehow, or a symptom of weakness that I had this problem that required such drastic action. Now, I’m allowing myself to believe it is brave to do what I’m doing and that this bravery will keep me sober.
I’ll be 8 weeks without a drink tomorrow which I can’t believe. It’s starting to feel like the New Normal. Cravings have almost entirely disappeared, I rarely think about drinking and I feel good most days.
What a relief, to be in this place, finally. I’d fight off dragons to stay here 🙂