After yesterday’s wobble in the afternoon and overcoming it again, I wanted to reflect on why it’s is important to me that I don’t slip up, a list to read over when the wolf is at the door:
- Drinking makes me lonely
- Drinking makes me gain weight
- Drinking makes me eat crap
- Drinking disrupts my sleep
- Drinking gives me pleasure for about 30-45 mins and then I get sucked into the void
- Drinking makes me have less fun on a night out
- Drinking makes me sneak extra drinks in because my friends or colleagues aren’t drinking enough
- Drinking takes up huge amounts of my headspace. I’ve been actively trying to quit for about a year, and have never succeeded. All that wasted time for giving into an early evening craving isn’t worth it.
- Drinking affects my health- during my last round of drinking I actually felt my liver ache. God knows what its done to my insides.
- Drinking makes me more selfish and introverted- I want time alone to drink/recover from hangovers so I shut myself away and the loneliness cycle starts again
- Drinking affects my running
- Drinking squashes my ambition- the past year has been dulled by drinking and as a natural achiever, I’ve let the driven side of my personality slide.
- Drinking makes me secretive.
- Drinking makes me feel like I’m leading two lives.
- Drinking tricks me into thinking I don’t have a problem, when I clearly do, otherwise the above list wouldn’t exist.
That’s a pretty significant list eh?
These first few weeks need to be focusing on the one day at a time approach. I’m finding that forgetting the bigger picture is helping, as I still find it difficult to imagine long term what it will be like to be sober. So for now, all my energy is going into beating wolfie in that 4-8pm witching hour window and enjoying my glorious mornings where I wake up happy I’ve had another night sober.
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