Tag Archives: help

SOS

6 Jan

I am in an absolute f**king state. 

Excuse my language. 

But they say when you’re getting sober, you shouldn’t change your job, your relationship or where you live in there first year of getting sober. Well, I’ve changed all of the above whilst trying to get sober, and now am in the process of trying to buy a house which today, with all the back and forth of offers, was the most stressful it’s ever been. 

Yesterday I got in touch with an old boyfriend who has been BESOTTED with me for years, and has in the past 6 months repeatedly said he wants to rekindle what we had. I pushed him away and away, trying to get sober, and when I was ready to get in touch again, he’s told me he’d found someone else. He was the one person I could count on, apart from my family, to love me wholly and completely for who I am, and now he’s gone. Maybe not forever, but for now, when I need him. 

Today is tough in so many different ways. I drank again today, after days sober. Not much, but I did. What the FUCK has happened to make me live this sort of life. It bears no resemblance to what my friends or family think of me. Nor what I think of myself.I just cannot believe I’m an alcoholic. But would I come back here time and time if I wasn’t?!??!

My liver still hurts. 

I need to go to AA, I think. Supportive online and texting friends plus the blogosphere apparently isn’t enough. I’m genuinely scared that one day I won’t wake up :/ And I get too ashamed when things go wrong. I want everyone to be giving me gold stars all the time, and that aint gonna happen.

Breathing deeply now. I hope tomorrow feels brighter. 

Advertisements
The Art of Keeping Going

A blog that's mostly about not drinking.

trufflesfreedom

Starting a life of sobriety and freedom.

waking up, being sober

and trying to make sense of what follows

Off-Dry

I got sober. Life got big.

Hungry Girl Eats

Notes on the care and feeding of body, mind and spirit.

DominantSoul

The Erotic Art of Sensual Domination

Champagne lifestyle on lemonade wages

Author of 'Raw: The Diary of an Anorexic'

800 Recovery Hub Blog

Written by people in recovery for people in recovery

My Road To Abstinence

Sober, me? Really?

ainsobriety

Trying to ace sober living

tired of treading water

Ditching the drink and waking up

Shadow. Ash. Spirit. Flame.

Out of Shadow and Ash, Spirit ascends and blazes Light.

The drinking Stops Today

My attempt to quit drinking....

A Dappled Path

Kicking the bottle

Good Morning Mercies

Seeking beauty and balance overcoming chronic illness and addictions

We Admitted We Were Powerless

A journey of recovery

Mind-Full Mom-E

Being sober & clear headed with a mind that is full!

12 the hard way

ruminations on the twelve steps.

Recovering From Powerlessness

A journey of recovery from everything

nomorewine's Blog

The greatest WordPress.com site in all the land!

Ditch The Grog Blog

A Quest to Sobriety!

Lucy's New Life

Goodbye booze. Hello clarity, health and happiness.

The Adventures of a Sober Señorita

Follow me as I live la vida loca (but sober)

The Six Year Hangover

A BLOG BY A GAY MAN GETTING SOBER IN NEW YORK CITY.

And Everything Afterwards

How I quit alcohol and discovered the beauty of a sober life

Just A Rock

The trials of a young woman awkwardly trudging her way to happy destiny

Life Unbuzzed

Rowing my sober boat gently down the stream

Alcoholics NON Anonymous

Step 1: POWERLESSNESS is not real.

The Lotus Chronicles

Just like the lotus we too have the ability to rise from the mud, bloom out of the darkness and radiate love and beauty.

Living Free

A fine WordPress.com site

messyarts

lettuce turnip the beet.

Seeing Clear Lee

musings on becoming alcohol-free

Vodka Goggles

No longer seeing the world through vodka colored glasses..

Recovering Life

Age and alcoholism

365reasons2sober

My blog to help me stop drinking.

It's more than a journey

Not just another weight loss blog

No Shame in Asking

A Memoir of Sober Living