It’s interesting as I enter week 3 of sobriety that I’m reminded that stopping drinking alcohol isn’t a magic solution to all my problems. WHAT A SHOCKER. When you drink, it’s not just the immediate numbing effects of alcohol that lessen your awareness of other problems in your life, it’s the making it through the day at work with a hangover, the focus on giving up drinking in the near future, the time worrying about how much you drink….
Now I’m not drinking and am thinking a little less about it, or at least it’s taking less energy to stay sober, the things I blocked out when drinking are starting to come to the surface. I felt, for around a year, almost completely numb to emotions, both good and bad, and I’m starting to get in touch with those funny things called ‘feelings’ again.
But stopping drinking also helps you look at your life as a whole and realise what has been going on but has been hidden under the cloak of drinking.
One of the main things I’ve become aware of is how unfulfilled I am in my job. I work in a very creative industry with some fantastic people, but my day to day in my current role is mind-numblingly slow. One of the reasons I crawl towards the end of the day and (used to) look forward to a drink is the distraction from that, the relief of the boredom. In the past if I found myself in a job situation like this, I’d be incredibly proactive and change it. But drinking had numbed my ability to care, my proactive nature and my ambition. I kidded myself I was being proactive and achieving things by training for a marathon and a triathlon this year, which are both great achievements, but I need more in my lift than that. With no partner or kids to focus on, I need to be striving to get more out of life than I currently am.
I’m going to use my new found energy to focus on changing my job situation between now and Christmas. I have potential opportunities within my grasp, which I can now try and make concrete.
Wow. I feel like a little baby chick hatching into this world which is bright and exciting and scary. I can’t believe I blocked it out for the last few years. I like this bright, colourful and slightly painful world. At least I feel things now.
Happy Monday all!
