60 Days!

14 Mar

I’m 60 days sober today. It feels amazing.

I’ve had a pretty disasterous week in some senses- lots of unexpected costs that I can’t really afford have been incurred through having my handbag stolen, I’ve developed a stinky cold and a cotton wool head and have been a bit of a hormonal pre-menstrual monster.

And yet, I’m sober.

I’ve started my ‘Step 1’ in AA, where you look at the ways in which you’re powerless over alcohol. I’m so grateful to have this blog to look back on, because there it is in black and white, time and time again. I don’t want to go back to that place, where I describe the desolation of drinking the Wolfie Cocktail or am constantly screaming inside ‘what the FUCK is wrong with me?’

When I’m sober, I feel like a normal person. Someone who’s a perfectionist, an overthinker and a sensitive soul, but very normal. When I was drinking I felt like the most crazy person in the world.

If you’ve read the older posts on this blog, you’ll know that for a year I was trying to string together a decent chunk of sobriety and failing, starting over and over again. I got stuck in this cul-de-sac of only experiencing the rubbish bits of sobriety- the cravings, raw emotions and feeling low. I just wanted to feel better, and sometimes that meant drinking and going back to square 1.

I’d email Belle in despair, asking when sobriety gets easier and better, and she said to me many times ‘somewhere between 30 and 60 days, something will shift.’ And it has. I don’t obsess about drinking now. It crosses my mind, but as a passing thought. It’s just a thought now, not the compulsion to act it once was.

It’s true what everyone who has any length of sober time under their belt says: in early sobriety, you just need to cling on. Don’t worry about weight loss or sugar intake or sleeping insane amounts. Just do what you need to do to make it work for you, to get out of the danger zone.

The sun is shining, it’s Friday and I’m sober. Hurrah to that!


12 Responses to “60 Days!”

  1. primrosep March 14, 2014 at 1:15 pm #

    what a lovely post! I remember telling myself like a mantra, “they have no reason to lie, they have no reason to lie” when everyone kept telling me it gets easier. Why would they lie to me? What would be the benefit to them of telling me that, as you say, something shifts? I tried to think of one single likely reason why anyone would say that if it wasn’t true, and just couldn’t. Because there isn’t one. It is true, and it does happen. It is like when you know you are in love. Everything is the same but the world is a different place. So so pleased for you! And I bet you are coping with those day to day trials so much better sober, too. P xx

  2. soberlearning March 14, 2014 at 1:43 pm #

    Congratulations on 60 days!! What a great feeling! I am so happy for you, and I know you feel amazing. Keep on going! Stay strong!

  3. Binki March 14, 2014 at 2:06 pm #

    Many congrats, great achievement and you will continue to get stronger every day, many thanks for such wonderful blogs xxx

  4. jenisthesoberist March 14, 2014 at 2:47 pm #

    Yay! 60 days is wonderful. It got easier for me at about 60 days and then once again between 60 and 90, so you have that to look forward to. Hugs!

  5. Mental Rollercoaster March 14, 2014 at 3:37 pm #

    Way to go! So glad you’re feeling a shift – that’s often what gives the incentive to keep going. Cheers!

  6. carrieonsober March 14, 2014 at 4:16 pm #

    Yay for you!!

  7. lucy2610 March 14, 2014 at 8:34 pm #

    We need to celebrate this fully. The only thing to do on Sunday is have cake – and lots of it 🙂 xx

  8. Debbie March 14, 2014 at 8:46 pm #

    Woot woot 🙂

  9. Rebecca A. Watson March 15, 2014 at 1:02 pm #

    Awesome work! Congrats…hope you’re enjoying a nice little treat for yourself 🙂

  10. Lisa Neumann March 17, 2014 at 11:53 am #

    Congrats on 60 days. It’s a big, big deal. Incredibly happy for the new trail you’ve blazed. xox Lisa

    • FitFatFood March 17, 2014 at 7:08 pm #

      Thanks as always Lisa, I love it when you comment. It makes me feel like I’ve got a very good, wise pair of eyes watching over me 🙂

  11. wren1450 March 18, 2014 at 1:11 pm #

    I am SO SO SO happy for you!!!!!

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